Fix You
by rubberduckie16
Summary: Derek broke Addison. Who will be able to fix her again? Addison story. possible Addek. i'm not sure yet.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Another story, post- finale. I love Addison and Derek together, seriously. But im currently hating Derek. And i want Addison to be fixed. So i'm writing this story. Unlike my last story, this one is not a one-shot. It revolves around Addison.I hope you like it. Please review!

Disclaimer: nope, not mine.

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I've known Derek for 15 years. I've married him for 12. I know every look, every smile, and every gesture. I _know_ Derek. I can read him better than a book—or well, I used to. Now, I may not be able to read him like I used to, but I still know him. I know how his eyes twinkle when he sees someone he loves. I know the smile that makes almost all girls' knees weak. I know the frown when he's disappointed. I know the pout when he's frustrated. And I know the way he looks after having sex.

Derek loves Meredith, Meredith loves Derek. I've accepted that. And I promised I'd wait for it until it passes. But will it ever pass? Am I waiting for nothing? My marriage is over, really, I know that. I thought we were doing better but I'm blinded that there's a reason for the hot sex, or the nice gestures. He was jealous. He was jealous that the woman he truly loves is moving on. But he couldn't move on. I'm not stupid, I'm not naïve. I'm just desperate for my husband's attention. I want him to care. He never does.

I slept with his best friend. It's not because I fell in love with him, it's because I wanted attention. That's how desperate I am. I want him to care. I want him to know that I'm still here. I want him to see me. I want him to notice me. But he turns around and walks away. Have I planned the whole thing out? Yes, in fact, I have. Have sex in our house instead of Mark, where I know no one would ever see us. Maybe when Derek catches us, he'll realize that I'm still here, lonely. But I didn't expect it to turn out this way. I didn't think of the consequences. I never thought that he would leave me. I was drunk and I was desperate. The night Derek caught us in bed was the first time Mark and I did it. It was good, but not as great as with Derek.

I had no idea Mark fell in love with me. The one night fling I was planning made him think that I loved him. I love him, as a friend, sure. But I'm not in love with him unlike Derek, who has completely gone crazy for Meredith.

I came to Seattle, giving up everything I have in New York, for Derek. Because no matter how much I have back in New York, it wouldn't matter if I don't have Derek. I need Derek. I much as I hate to admit it, I need Derek. I'm not as independent as I thought I am. For months after Derek left, I made myself believe that I can do it on my own. But I couldn't. I stayed with mark for awhile because I thought it would help forget Derek. But it didn't. So I went to Seattle with divorce papers with me hanging in this little bit of hope that he wouldn't sign it.

Sure he didn't, but I don't feel like he'd really chosen me. He was with me physically but he's with Meredith emotionally. I want him to want to be with me. I don't want him to be with me just out of obligation. I don't want him to pretend to love me to fill his need to be a good guy. I don't want all his crap. All I want if for him to care about me.

For a moment, I wish I were the one who got shot instead of Preston. Maybe that will wake Derek to his senses. But does it really have to be that way for him to realize that I'm still here? Why can's he see me like he used to?

He asked me out to the prom, and he had sex with another woman. He gave me back my hope, which is shattered by now. Why cant things be perfect between us again?

Now, when I saw him walk out of that elevator, face looking flushed. I _know _he had sex. And obviously with Meredith, who, by the way, told me that she's not having sex with my husband. My heart ached but I tried so hard not to show it. I noticed the awkwardness between them when Meredith walked by with the other interns.

Who am I to get in the way of two people who I know really loves each other? I know I am his wife but it doesn't feel like it anymore.

I deserve more than being treated like a piece of crap.

Derek broke me, and I need to be fixed.

I need to move on. I need to let go.

As much as I don't want to, I need to be determined to stand up on my own and live without Derek.

I need to start over.

I pulled myself together at least until I got out of the hospital. I saw Meredith choose between my husband and the vet. I don't know if I wanted to see who she chooses. So I turned around and walked the opposite direction.

I got to the trailer that night mainly to pack my things up and get out as soon as I can before Derek comes home. But Derek got home before I could leave. He's obviously devastated. I would only guess because Meredith chose Finn. And I was about to leave him. Poor man, but he utterly deserved it.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he sees me packing.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Okay, I meant why are you packing?"

"I'm leaving" I said simply.

"Leaving" he repeated "Care to tell me why?"

"I don't know, Derek." I answered, pun intended. "Think about the things that happened these past 2 days. First, you ignore in the elevator, then I had this blow up in front of everyone, then you asked me to the prom, then we put Doc down, then you have sex with another woman." I said. I was too angry to cry.

"You knew about that?" he asked quietly

"You didn't even bother to deny it. But yes, I wasn't sure, and God knows I had this little bit of hope that I was wrong, but I know"

"I'm sorry"

"Saying sorry wont do you any good, Derek"

"Why are you so mad? You cheated on me first! Now you know how it feels to be cheated on!" He said, his voice rising.

"So, this is what it's all about, revenge! You wanted to hurt me which is why you took me back! Not because you love me, not because you wanted us to start over. You played with me all along"

"No, Addison! I didn't do it for revenge. I love Meredith"

"Then why didn't you sign the divorce papers when I gave them to you? That way it wouldn't cause me so much pain. That way it wouldn't cause you so much pain. That way it wouldn't cause Meredith so much pain!" I yelled

"I didn't because you are my wife."

"That's not exactly the answer I'm looking for, Derek. I wanted you to say that you chose me because you love me. You chose me because you couldn't live without me. You chose me because I am the love of your life. You chose me because I am your wife doesn't necessarily mean you want to be with me"

"What do you want, Addison?" Derek yells

"I want to be able to move on! I don't want to be stuck here weeping about how my husband sleeps next to me dreaming about sleeping next another woman. I don't want to be treated this way. I want to be loved. I miss the feeling of being loved. I miss the feeling of being able to look at you in the eye with fear and insecurities. I miss being comfortable around you. I want to face the reality that the love of my life doesn't love me anymore."

"I don't want you to leave, Addison" He said, calmer this time

"Why, is it because Meredith didn't choose you over the vet? You can't have it both ways, Derek. I will never settle for second. Never" With that, I zip up my suitcase and I walked towards the door "I'll get the rest of my stuff maybe tomorrow morning while you're at the hospital. I'll send you the divorce papers when I get to file them"

"Addison—" Derek said walking towards me

"No, Derek, you don't get to stop me. I'm done. You won. I hope you'll be happy once Meredith realizes that you're the one for her"

"Addison, please, I'm trying here"

"I heard those words before. I don't get to believe in them now. I'm sorry for everything, Derek." I said as a tear escaped from my eye. I pulled my wedding ring and engagement ring off my finger, took Derek's hand, and placed it on his palm.

"It's yours, Addison"

"I don't have use for them now, and every time I look at it it'll just remind me of you"

"Don't you want that?"

"No. No, I don't" I said sadly. I couldn't look at him in the eye.

"Maybe we can still be friends" he said a hint of hope in his voice

"I don't think so, Derek. But maybe eventually" I said as another tear fell.

"I'm sorry for breaking you. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you find someone that'll fix you"

"I don't think anyone will be able to fix me anymore. Because you're the only one who can fix me" I said barely audible. "Goodbye, Derek"

"Goodbye, Addie" he said and pulled me for one last kiss. It wasn't passionate. It wasn't electrifying. It was closure.

Closure

I turned around and walked to my car and drove off and didn't look back.

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Please review! 


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: next chapter. I hope you guys like it. and please review. i'll be more inspired to write if you review.

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Chapter 2

It's been three months since the separation and now we're in the process of divorce. I honestly never thought Derek and I would end up like this. He made me see who I really am. But now I moved on. Things are slowly getting back to normal. I now live in a penthouse not far from the hospital. Work is just fine. I'd try to ignore seeing Derek wooing Meredith Grey. It hurts me, but I'm trying to be indifferent. Derek and I aren't exactly in talking terms but we're civil. We'd talk work wise and occasional good mornings or hellos when we pass by the hallways. But we never really talked. I guess I'm not emotionally ready yet.

Things in the hospital are getting normal too. The interns convinced Izzie Stevens to come back and they convinced the chief to take her back. The thing is she's not under Miranda Bailey anymore. She's under me, which I don't really have objections to. I see great potential in her and she's really good. Izzie and I became closer as we work together and we grieve together for the men that we lost. She would open up to me. She would talk to me. She found a friend in me as I found a friend in her.

Burke is slowly recovering. He's back at work and slowly getting his game back. Therapy is doing him great. He's been there for me too, but being Derek's friend, I barely talk to him.

Miranda Bailey, on the other hand, has been my closest friend in Seattle. She helped me stand on my own. She helped me look for an apartment. She helped me move on. She gave me a shoulder to cry on. She'd take me home after I've drank too much at Joe's. Miranda is a great friend.

"Earth to Addison" Miranda said as she sat next to me in the cafeteria during our lunch break.

"Miranda"

"Oh so you haven't gotten insane yet" she said. I had to smile at her humor.

"I'm just tired, that's it"

"Long night? Hangover? Again?"

"You could say" I admitted

"I think that husband of yours—" she started but I cut her off

"Ex"

"That ex husband of yours is driving you to alcoholism" She said as she fixed her lunch.

"I'm not an alcoholic. I still can live without alcohol"

"I know that, I was kidding"

"You better" I said and chuckled.

"So, how are you today? Besides the hangover"

"Fine. Exhausted" I say as I play with my salad. "You?"

"Interns and that reprobate husband of yours is driving me crazy"

"Ex"

"Fine, that reprobate ex husband of yours is driving me crazy"

"I don't think I want to know why"

"Yeah, you don't want to know why" she chuckled. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"No I don't know what you're thinking. I'm not a mind reader"

"Addison, I'm trying to say something here"

"Okay, fine, I'm sorry. Miranda, what are you thinking?"

"I think you should go out on a date"

"A date" Has the interns and the reprobate ex husband of mine really got her crazy?

"Yes. It's going to be fun"

"Fun" I repeated.

"Yeah. I know you're probably not ready yet. But Addison, you're wasting precious time. Just make this your rebound guy, to start you off" she said. I had to laugh at this.

"I haven't dated anyone since Derek"

"Figures"

"I think you're right. This is part of me moving on" I said

"Atta girl. I'll look for a guy for you" She said as she gazed far away "What do you want?"

"What do you mean what do I want?"

"In a guy. Younger, older, dark, light, tall, short?" she said and I laughed a little "I think you could use someone taller than you. Someone way taller than you" I really had to laugh at that.

"Yeah, a tall one, I'd like that"

"Oh I know!" Miranda said animatedly. "William's pediatrician, hot guy, single, your age, I think, and he seems really nice"

"What's wrong with him? Why is he still single?"

"And that's what you're going to find out!"

"Miranda…"

"No Addison, I will set you up with him"

"What does he look like?"

"Hot"

"Nothing like how my ex husband looks like?"

"The opposites, honey, the opposites" She said and I thought about it for a second "So are you up for it?"

"Sure, it wouldn't hurt, I hope"

"Yes!" Miranda said triumphantly "You two will be perfect for each other! He's a pediatrician, you're in neonatal. You both work with babies and kids!"

"Okay, you need to calm down, Miranda"

"I can't help it! My dear friend is going on a date! Yes! That totally made my day!" She was so excited.

As if on cue, a pager beeped. We both looked at out pagers instinctively. It was hers. But not long enough, mine did too. So we got up and both went to work.

"See you later, Addie"

"Later, Miranda"

* * *

I stood next to Izzie at the nurse's station going over a chart and talking about how Izzie was trying to cook and burned the meat she was cooking.

"Montgomery!" We heard someone call out. Of course it was Miranda. We turned to her and she stopped in front of me with her interns behind her.

"Bailey" I said as "the Nazi" broke into a smile.

"Friday, 7:00"

"Friday? This Friday?" I asked confused and Miranda started to walk away

"Miranda Bailey! This Friday?" she stopped on her tracks.

"This Friday, in fact, that's tomorrow. I know you're free." I sighed

"Fine. This Friday. At 7" I said and she continues walking away with her interns still in tow.

"What was that about?" Izzie asked as I turned to her again.

"She got me a date"

"Really? Who?"

"William's pediatrician"

"Oh, wow, good luck" Izzie said

"Thanks, I'll need it. That's tomorrow, Izzie. I'm suddenly scared to death. I haven't dated anyone in such a long time"

"You can do it, Addie. You're moving on. Finally" Izzie smiled and give my arm a reassuring squeeze.

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6:54. Six minutes. I've been counting since yesterday. I'm scared. I'm nervous. Is he really hot or maybe Miranda doesn't really know the definition of hot.

I stare at my reflection, almost perfect. I can still see desolation but maybe it's just me. My hair was down in curls and my make up not too distasteful but not too subtle. It was sophisticated. I am sophisticated. My sophistication is what I'm known for. My dress was a classic black cocktail dress. I am simple but I am sophisticated.

6:57. Three minutes. I look as fine. I'm not saying I'm beautiful. But I looked better compared to my high school days. But what does he look like? Why is he still single? My heart is pounding out of my chest.

6:58. Two minutes. I sat on my couch not knowing what to expect. I hate blind dates. I want to back out. But a part of me is saying that it's really time to move on. It's time to show everyone that I'm moving on. It's time to prove to myself that I'm moving on.

Then someone knocks. 6:58. He's punctual. I like punctual guys.

I took a deep breath and walked to the door. I opened the door and saw a tall blond man on my doorstep.

"Hi" He said and smiled at me. He took my breath away at first smile.

"Hi"

"I'm Daniel."

"I'm uh…Addison" I forgot my name for a second. I stared at him. His eyes were green. He's taller. He's blond. This is awkward. I offered a hand and he shook it. I flinched at his touch. I miss this feeling, the feeling of someone new taking my breath away.

"So, shall we?" He said, still with his beautiful smile. I nodded and turned around to get my coat and purse.

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"So, Miranda told me you're in neonatal at Seattle Grace." he asked me as we ate dinner. All the awkrwardness from an hour ago were all gone.

"Yes, I am. I've heard you're a pediatrician. Where?"

"Private practice. I have a bunch of patients who were born in Seattle Grace. Apparently the best works there. Shepherd, I think?" Daniel said

"Shepherd? Neonatal? That's me"

"Miranda told me your last name is Montgomery"

"So I guess Miranda didn't tell you I'm separated and in the process of divorce?"

"Well, she didn't tell me that. Then now I guess we have something in common"

"What is it?"

"I'm divorced."

"I see. So that's why you're hot and still single" Wait, did I just say that out loud? He chuckled

"Yeah, that's why I'm single. But hot, I don't think so"

"Oh please, you know you are" I said. It's an honest flirtation.

"If I were, my wife wouldn't cheat on me and my looks should've kept her satisfied.The hypocrisy"

"Ah, another thing we have in common" I said

"Hurts, but I cheated on her first. Which I regretted at the end so we tried to get back together but she ends up cheating on me"

"Did Miranda tell you about me and my ex husband?"

"No, why?"

"That's exactly what happened to us" I said causing us both to laugh

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. But you know, I don't really want to talk about our misery, which leads me to a question."

"Shoot" he said and takes a sip from his wine

"I've been talking to you for more than an hour. And I still don't have any idea what your last name is"

"Miranda didn't tell you?"

"Not even your first name" I said and he chuckled

"He's not really good at playing cupid"

"No, she's not" I let out a laugh

"Well, my last name is Gallagher"

"Irish?"

"Originally"

"I see."

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He said. I know I blushed profusely.

"That was random"

"Yes, but its true"

"Thank you"

He reached out and held my hand.

"Can I ask you a totally random question?" he asked

"Didn't you just?" I said

"Well, I was just wondering why you cheated on your ex? You don't have to answer if you don't want to"

"I'll answer as long as you tell me why you cheated on your wife" I said and took a sip from my wine

"Deal" he said. He let go of my hand and took a sip from his wine

"He was indifferent. He stopped noticing me. He stopped caring. He walked away when he caught me with his best friend. How about you?"

"I barely saw her. She's in LA, New York, Paris, somewhere. So I guess indifference played its part too. She works longer hours than me. We just fell apart. No one bothered to start a conversation. Until I just slipped further and further away, until I woke up the next day next to another woman. I wanted to save our marriage so I told her the truth. She accepted my apology but she ends up in bed with another _woman_" He said emphasizing the word 'woman'. I saw pain in his eyes. And I cringed. I guess he saw me cringe that he laughed a little.

"I'm sorry"

"Hey, I'm sorry about you too"

"We have a lot in common"

"Yeah. But to save us time, you're not gay, are you?" He tried to joke a little

"No, I'm not." I said and smiled.

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dont forget to leave some love! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So i finished the chapter faster than i thought i would. I'll try to put up the next one after i finish my History and English papers. Or at least after i finish my history paper. Anyways, i know there's a lack of Derek in my fic, but yeah, he'll come around when i dont hate him that much anymore.Well, anyways, i hope you guys like this one. Please review.

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Chapter 3

I woke up through the shrill sound of my alarm clock. My head was pounding, hangover, nothing new. But something else was different. I felt someone move next to me. And it all came back to me. Daniel. I smiled at the thought of what happened last night. He was great. The sex was new, different from Derek.

He looked at me, those green eyes, they always get me. He smiled, oh that smile. This awkward, first date and we slept together already. Alcohol really does lower our inhibitions. It's not that I regret it, because I don't. I hope he doesn't either.

"Good morning" he said

"Hey" I smiled.

Then there was silence. It wasn't awkward. It wasn't that comfortable.

"I'm, uh…" He stuttered. I raised an eyebrow and then smiled.

"You're…" I said motioning for him to continue.

"I'm uh…."

"Come on, Dan. I won't bite. If you regret what happened last night, just tell me, I think I can handle that. I didn't, but you know, I'm just saying. Just say whatever you want to say"

"I'm wondering if you want to go for…. Uh… another date" He was nervous. It was cute. He was lying on my bed naked, and yet he's still nervous.

"Of course, I'd love to go for another date. I had so much fun last night. I can't really remember the last time I had that much fun"

"Me either" He said. The nervous look in his face was completely wiped out.

* * *

I went to the lounge to get some coffee to keep myself awake and I saw Miranda, Chief, and Burke in there. I smiled at them and they were looking at me like, I don't know… but it was weird.

"Good morning" I greeted the three. They were still giving me that weird look.

"Oh, someone got laid last night" Miranda said. And by the look in her face, I knew she wasn't expecting to say it out loud.

"Hey!"

"Oh, and someone's not denying it" Burke teased.

"Why would I deny it? I'm single. I can date"

"The woman's got a point" Chief said "So, who is this guy?"

"That, my friend, is none of your business just yet"

"Keeping it a secret?" Burke asked

"No, it's just too early to say"

"How was it?" Miranda asked

"How was what? The date or the sex?"

"You're dirty. The date, of course…. And the sex"

"The date was great. I had fun, really. Thanks for making me do this" I said to her

"No problem. I was just getting tired of you moping around and drinking. It's really hard for a short woman to help a very tall woman back to her place every time she gets drunk"

"Hey, you're making it sound as if I get drunk that often" I said Miranda just scoffed.

"Fine, I don't want to ruin your good mood. Now move, that happy face is starting to piss me off." She said giving me that Nazi look.

"Fine, I'll leave. Bye chief, bye Preston, bye Nazi" I said and walked out with my coffee.

I went to the nurse's station and saw Izzie talking to her fellow interns. Izzie smiled and walked to me excitedly.

"So…." She said with a big grin on her face. I couldn't help but smile more.

"So…."

"Oh come on, Addison, spill!"

"He was hot"

"Hot? What does he look like?"

"Tall, green eyes, blond, and the body, woah" I said dramatically

"So, why is he still single?"

"Divorced"

"I see. Will you go out again?"

"Yeah, tonight"

"Awww… I want to see him!"

"You might, actually. He'll pick me up tonight"

"Oh, did he drop you off too?" She asked. I nodded. "So he stayed at your place last night?" I nodded again. Izzie clapped her hands like an excited high school girl. "No wonder you're so happy! And I think that humongous smile on your face is scaring people"

"Really? No wonder people are giving me weird looks"

"I think it's cute. You're all smitten" She said "Aww, and you're blushing"

"Oh, shut up! Come on, we have to start to work"

**

* * *

Miranda's POV**

So, basically the whole day, Addison was smiling. It was scary since when she first came here she wasn't all smiles. But now she's really smiling. They've only been on one date but he really made her happy.

Now she told me he's going to pick her up. I want to see her with him. Maybe reality is so much better than how I imagined it. I stand by the nurse's station going through charts with Addison's reprobate ex husband next to me doing the same thing. I started calling him reprobate since he became one, well, at least to Addison. I've been totally pissed at him for wooing around Meredith Grey since she's now dating the vet. Poor guy juggled two women before and now he has none. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

I looked at the familiar man walking through the doors of Seattle Grace and I suddenly felt a smile creeping on my face. It was Dr. Daniel Gallagher. Now all I need is Addison and my imagination will became reality.

"Hey Dr. Bailey" he greeted me politely. I smiled at him

"Oh please, since now you're dating my friend I guess it's safe to say you can call me Miranda"

"I'd like to thank you for that, by the way"

"No thank you needed. I'm happy to see her happy" I said. Then I looked at the reprobate ex of hers who was obviously trying to listen.

"Hey" I heard someone say behind me. It was Addison.

"Hey" He said. I looked at him. He had that same smile Addison had the whole day.

Addison walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her. She pulled away-- still not noticing that reprobate husband of hers, Dan still wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

Have these two really just met yesterday? It seemed like they've known each other for a long time. They we're comfortable.

"So, it's as pretty as I imagined" I said

"What?" Addison asked

"Never mind. So where are you two going?"

Addison looked at him and he looked at her.

"Movies?" He asked

"Yeah, sure, movies sounds great" Addison said and then they both looked at me

"Movies, we're going to the movies." Daniel said grinning widely.

"Alright, we're going now" Addison declared

"Have fun, you two" And they walked away, his arms still around her shoulder pulling her close to him and they were giggling.

Oddly enough, Addison didn't notice Derek standing behind Daniel. Was she really that focused on Daniel? In one date, Daniel made Addison happy and I hope it stays that way forever.

As they walked away, I looked at Derek who was looking at me with a frustrated look on his face.

"Hey, you're the one who pushed her into leaving you. Don't give me that look. She deserves to be happy, she deserves to move on. Why can't you just be happy for her?" I said and turned my back and walk away from Derek.

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

One date, that all it takes to make me feel taken cared of. He paid attention to me. That's all I wanted. I miss the feeling of being taken cared of. I miss the feeling of being paid attention to. And it feels so damn good.

I'm glad Dan and I are comfortable around each other. I've known him for a little more than 24 hours but there's something in him that makes me feel—I don't know. I hope he feels the same way about me.

"So, did you like the movie?" he asked as we walked towards his car.

"Yeah, I liked it. I'm glad you're up for a chick flick"

"Hey, I'd do anything for you" He said and winked. God, he still takes me away.

"Aw, you're so sweet"

"Thank you. So, where are we going now?"

"Uh… I couldn't think of anything"

"How about my place?" He suggested. Hey, why not, let's see where he lives. Let's see if he's hiding any bodies in his basement.

"Sure"

They drive to his place was quiet, a comfortable silence. The sound of jazz filled the silence. He would occasionally smile at me or squeeze my knee or rub his hand on my thigh. He's everything I really dreamed of.

But isn't this too good to be true?

We got to his condominium. It has 2 bedrooms. It was nice, very bachelor-y. It was decorated nicely.

"Nice place" I complimented

"Thanks" He said as he walked to the kitchen. After a moment, he resurfaced the living room holding two glasses and a bottle of wine. He poured wine into the glass and handed it to me.

"So, I was wondering. I mean, it's just our second date, but I'm having so much fun with you, Addison. It seems like we've known each other for a long time" He said as he sat next to me

"I know. I feel that too"

"So these, the dates, it goes on, right?"

"Yeah, it'll go on"

"I'm not saying we're in a relationship just yet. I just want an assurance that you're in"

I smiled. Communication, I like it. "Yeah, I'm in"

"I don't want to do the same mistakes again" He said quietly as he moved towards me and wrapped his arm around me.

"Me either"

He kissed me on the temple and we stayed like that for hours.

I love the feeling of someone being there for me. But I'm paranoid and scared. This is too good to be true. But now I'm starting to realize that maybe there's a point in time that we're entitled for something we'd never expect to happen to us.

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Yeah, it might've sucked, but still, review, please:) 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed. I really appreciate it. Now this chapter is longer than i expected. I was having so much fun, i couldnt stop. I hope you like this one.

please review!

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Chapter 4

Six weeks. For six weeks, Dan and I have been together. Things have been great. We had our ups and downs but it's been great. He's my McDreamy.

I was in the nurse's station looking for my interns. Apparently, George O'Malley was assigned to me too. Izzie walked towards me with O'Malley behind her. Izzie was wearing a huge smile.

"Hey" she said

"Hey. Hey George." I said and turned to a very happy Izzie "You fed the beast?" I asked. She nodded.

"So, Happy Birthday" She greeted me. I pretend to frown. "Oh come on, you don't look older. You're not old!"

"Oh please. Well, thanks anyways"

"What are the plans tonight?"

"Just dinner with Dan"

"Nice. No parties?"

"No. Not today at least." I answered. I looked at George who was standing and waiting patiently. "So, shall we?" I asked the interns. Izzie nodded so did George.

"Happy Birthday, Dr. Montgomery" he said.

"Thanks"

I saw Derek approaching towards us. Our eyes met and he offered a smile. Oh why, he's being nice today. He's been really snappy especially to me right now even though we barely talk. I've been receiving cold glares or he just completely ignores me. I never really understood why, but I don't really want to care now.

"Hey, happy birthday" He said.

"You remembered" I said. His memory isn't that _good_ when it comes to _our_ special days.

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

"You forgot the last time" I said coldly. He looked at me blankly.

"I'm sorry" He said. I shrugged and smiled at him.

"Well, damage's done" I said "I have to go" he nodded and I walked away from him. I'm in a happy place to be paying attention to Derek right now.

* * *

"So, party tomorrow at your place. I'll come over around 4 to help you set up" Miranda said as she planned my birthday party while eating lunch. I didn't really want to but she's forcing me to. This is one side of Miranda Bailey that no one ever expected.

"Do we really have to do this? I don't have friends. Who are we going to invite?"

"Oh please, you have friends. Izzie, Burke, Chief, people you work with, Addison. Maybe tomorrow night we aren't surgeons. We are people. And I'm pretty sure all of them are not on call tomorrow"

"Fine, if you say so"

"Damn right if I say so" She said. I chuckled. "And you can invite everyone you work with for all I care"

"Do you think it's ethical for me to invite Derek?"

"That reprobate ex-husband of yours?" she said and I raised an eyebrow

"Why do you keep on calling him that?"

"Because he is" she said nonchalantly.

"So, is it ethical?"

"I don't know. I mean, you work with him, but he's your ex. I don't know, Addison"

"Miranda! You always have an answer with these kinds of stuff"

"Well, right now I don't"

"Miranda…. You're not acting yourself"

"Oh Addison, dear, I am your friend. But I'm also thinking about the party I'm throwing for you tomorrow. And I'm thinking about my child who has a fever right now, who, by the way, I'm taking to your boyfriend tomorrow morning. I don't really don't have time to think about if it's ethical to invite your reprobate ex-husband." She said half joking.

"Fine, you know, you don't have to do this" I said also half joking. I know her tone when she's joking and she knows the tone when I'm joking.

"Oh go bug someone else about that, Montgomery" She said as she stood up and walked away. I just watched her and she turned around and winked at me.

"Fine, you Nazi!" I called out as I finished my lunch.

* * *

I got out of the elevatorand saw Burke talking to Cristina in the nurse's station.

"Dr. Burke, Dr. Yang" I greeted as I took my patient's chart from the nurse.

"Addison, so tomorrow, Bailey invited me to your party" Burke said

"Yes, are you and Cristina coming?" I asked and looked at Burke and then at Cristina

"Yes, of course. So, if I go do I finally get to meet this guy?" I smiled. I like talking about Daniel.

"Maybe, you'll never know" I teased and winked. Cristina excused herself and walked away. "Preston, can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Do you think it's ethical if I invite Derek tomorrow?"

"Yes. You work with him, Addison. I know you're divorced, I know you're dating someone now, and I know its going to be awkward. But it's your decision whether to invite him or not"

"Okay, thanks"

"Anytime, Addison" He said and walked away.

* * *

I went to Dan's place after an exhausting day at work. I knocked and as he opened the door that big smile of his and those green eyes mesmerized me again, it does every time.

"Hey there, beautiful" Oh God, there it is… he got me. Now I'm pretty sure I'm grinning like a high school girl. Tiredness is gone. I'm suddenly relaxed.

"Hey" I said and kissed him. We walked in and a candlelight dinner was prepared.

"Happy birthday" He said quietly as his arms are still around my waist. His face was about 2 inches away from mine.

"Thank you"

"I prepared dinner" he whispered

"I figured"

"Are you hungry?" he said still whispering

"Yeah" I said and I buried my face into his chest.

"Let's eat" he pulled away and kissed me lightly on the lips.

We walked to the dining table and started to eat. He's an amazing cook. Throughout dinner, we talked about random things and about our days. As we finished dessert, he looked at me in the eye.

"So, are you ready for your gifts?" he asked.

"Gifts? Plural?"

"Yeah, plural"

"How can I not be?" I said excitedly.

"So, first, here" He said and handed me a small box. I opened it and saw a key.

"Key?" I looked at him confusedly

"To my apartment"

"Ah, thanks" I smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

"You don't have to give me a key to yours if you don't want to yet"

"No, I'll give you one as soon as I get a copy of it. I want to give you one" I said

He smiled and took my hand

"Second… Addie," he started and looked at me straight in the eye again. My heart was beating faster since I didn't know what to expect "I think-- I love you" he stuttered. My heart melted and I smiled at him. He looked so nervous and I wanted to lighten the mood.

"Think?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"No—I _know_ I love you" he corrected himself. He smiled at me "You don't have to say it if don't want to" he said too quickly.

"No, Dan. I love you too" I said to reassure him. He smiled and I saw him release his breath. I chuckled because he is so cute when he's nervous.

"So, third… remember when you told me you're tired of being alone in your apartment all the time?" he stood up and went to the kitchen. My heart started beating faster. He came back holding a fairly huge box. He stood next to me and settled the box on the floor. He kneeled next to the box. I kneeled next to him and I opened the box. There was a cute little yorkie puppy in it with a pink ribbon tied around it.

"Daniel!" I exclaimed and threw my arms around him.

"Glad you like it"

"Thank you so much"

"You're very welcome" he said and kissed me again "So what are you going to name her?"

"I don't know" I said as I pick the puppy up and snuggled with it "But I know I love her though"

"So now I'm in competition with the dog?"

"Yes, and it's your fault, mister" I joked

"Hey!" I protested dramatically "What should you name her?"

"lets see… Georgia? Ginger? Sandy?"

"Sandy…" he said with a laugh "I dated a girl named Sandy. I like Ginger"

"Nah, she doesn't look like a Ginger" I said

"How would you know? She's a dog"

"She looks like a…." I said examining the puppy "Dakota"

"Dakota?" he looked at me weirdly

"Yeah, Dakota" I said. He took the puppy from me and looked at her.

"Yeah, she looks like a Dakota" he said and laughed.

"Hey, Dakota" I baby talked to the puppy. "I love you, you know"

"Are you talking to the dog or me?" Daniel asked and gave me that puppy face

"To the dog, actually. But I love you both" I said. He took the puppy from me and settled her on the floor as she ran around the apartment. He picked me up from the floor and kissed me passionately and took me to the bedroom.

* * *

"So Izzie will be here in a soon?" Miranda asked as she walked around my kitchen. I was sitting on top of the counter eating skittles as I watch her walk around.

"She called about 20 minutes ago. She said she's on her way" I said.

Today was the day of my party. Miranda and I were off so we decided to hang out at my place and prepare for the small shindig that night.

"So you invited that reprobate ex husband of yours?"

"Yeah" I said and sighed "It's up to him whether to come or not. I was just trying to be nice so I invited him"

"Is Danny coming?"

"Yep" Crap, if Derek came and Daniel will be there, woah, I don't know what to do "Which now I suddenly regret inviting Derek"

"Come on, so what if Derek comes?"

"But still, it's awkward"

"Yes, but you have to face it. You moved on. You're happy with Daniel, who you love and who gave you a puppy"

"Yeah…" I said "Hey, where's my Dakota?" realizing I haven't seen her running around me or Miranda.

"Right there, crapping in the corner" Miranda said pointing at the corner of the kitchen near the trashcan.

"Eww, Dakota!" I said walking over to the dog and cleaning up after her "You got to be toilet trained!" I scolded. "Why does she pee and crap at the same spot all the time?" I whined

"She's a dog, Addie"

"I know… I know" I said as I walked to the sink and washed my hands.

After awhile, someone knocked on the door. I opened it and saw Izzie with Meredith and George behind her.

"Hey" I said.

"Hey, I brought them with me since they didn't want to drive here" Izzie said holding cake "I hope its alright"

"Of course, of course" I said leading them in my apartment.

"Hey, Addison. Happy birthday" Meredith greeted and handed me a gift and smiled at me, so did George.

"Hey, come in, make yourselves comfortable" They came in and I led them to my kitchen. Dakota started running towards us. Izzie settled the cake on the table and ran to Dakota.

"Awww, a puppy!" She said taking her and started playing with her "Since when did you have a puppy?"

"Since last night. Dan gave her to me"

"What's her name?"

"Dakota"

"Aww, hey Dakota"

We got to the kitchen and Miranda looked at her interns.

"Aren't ya'll too early?" she asked George and Meredith

"I took them with me…. To save gas" Izzie attempted a joke. Izzie treated Miranda differently outside the hospital since she started to become my friend. But the other interns aren't that close to me or too comfortable with Miranda.

We started talking while preparing for the party as people slowly came.

* * *

Daniel walked in with a bouquet of flowers in hand. People looked at him since well, they don't know him.

"Hey" I said and walked to him and gave him a kiss.

"Happy birthday" he whispered in my ear "And why are these people looking at me as if they're going to throw scalpels at me" I laughed at his comment

"Oh shut up" I whispered back. Dakota came barking and running towards us. Daniel picked her up and started talking to her.

"Well, hello to you too, sweetie" I smiled at him and he put the dog down. We walked towards my guests and introduced him.

"Guys, this is Daniel. Dan, these are the people I work with, and you know Izzie and Miranda" I introduced.

"So we finally meet you" Burke said as he stood up and walked to Daniel and shook his hand. "I'm Preston. Nice to meet you"

"Nice to meet you too" He said. Preston leaned in and whispered something to him. Daniel smiled and said something that I didn't really catch.

Daniel started to socialize with everyone and I felt relieved that everyone was having fun and Derek hasn't arrived yet. Or maybe he will not come. I don't know. I walked towards table to get something to drink and Daniel stood next to me.

"Are you having fun?" I asked him

"Yeah, of course. Are you?"

"Yep"

"So, what did Preston whispered to you?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing. He just told me to take care of you" he said and I smiled at him.

* * *

Someone knocked at the door. I went to open it and yes, he came, Derek was there with a present in his hand.

"You came"

"It would be rude not to" he saidand offered a weak smile. I let him in and everyone's eyes were on him as they looked back and forth to him and Daniel.

"Woah, what's with the looks?" I asked trying to lighten up the mood. Then I looked to Daniel, who was smiling.

He walked towards us and offered a hand to Derek.

"Hi, I'm Daniel, I don't believe we've met" he said with a genuine smile on his face

"I believe we haven't. I'm Derek" He said. I couldn't really read his reaction. And then he forced a smile. I know that smile, a forced smile, a smile that I'm used to seeing since I moved to Seattle.

* * *

i know its a really bad place to stop. I'll update soon, i promise. But first, please review.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thanks again to people who reviewed. Keep them coming! love you all.

And **depths-of-my-soul... **i honestly do not have ANY idea if this is going to be an addek. I'm still torn between Daniel and Derek. We'll see if i have a change of heart with Derek. So yes, there's a possiblity of this being an Addek. but i dont know. i guess we'll just see.

i hope you guys like this chapter. Please review.

* * *

Chapter 5 

Derek went in and settled and started to mingle with our peers. Daniel pulled me to the side of the room.

"Hey, relax, you look so tensed" he whispered in my ear.

"How could I relax? I never thought my ex-husband would come. And you're here. It's all awkward. I'm freaking out, Dan." I said. He just laughed at me.

"It's all good. Take deep breaths and just have fun. I'll try everything to keep your thought away from the awkwardness." He said "Here, want another drink?"

"Trying to get me drunk, I see" I said as I took his beer from him

"Anything to keep you relaxed"

"I don't know, Dan. I shouldn't have invited him"

"Addison, it was just right to invite him. I mean you invited almost everyone you worked with. And if you didn't invite him he's just going to think you still have hang-ups with him. And it's just going to boost his ego even more. You are the bigger person. And that's the right thing to do" He said. The man's got a point.

I sighed and looked at my shoe. He placed his finger on my chine and lifted my head and forced me to look at him in the eye. He leaned in and kissed me hard and passionately. I couldn't help but laugh while he was kissing me. He pulled away with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Are you trying to make my ex-husband jealous?" I asked, his eyes showing mischief

"Yeah, I'm also trying to make him realize how much he lost" he smirked and pinned me on the wall and pressed his body against me and whispered sweet nothings to me.

"Daniel, you are so—" before I could finish what I was going to say, he leaned in and kissed me again.

"I am so?" he asked after he pulled away from me

I forgot what I was going to say.

"Nothing, I forgot" I said and playfully pushed him out of my way. I went to the table to get another drink for me.

**

* * *

Miranda's POV **

So, the reprobate ex-husband came. The current boyfriend was being nice. And Addison felt a little uncomfortable. But then the current boyfriend pushed Addison to the wall and kissed her passionately. A bunch of people were looking at them, even that reprobate ex husband of hers. His reaction was unreadable. It was a mix of jealousy and something else.

I'm a very observant person. As I look around, I see people having fun, drink and talking, and dancing. Izzie, Alex, Meredith, and Cristina were sitting on the couch talking and drinking while George was having his own conversation with Callie. Chief, Burke, and Shepherd, and my husband, Tucker were standing to next to me as I pretend to listen to their conversation. And the other guests were just having a good time. Addison was standing next to Daniel at the food table as they were eating shrimp cocktails and drinking. Addison had Dakota in her other arm. Daniel was talking to Dakota, I assume, while Addison was laughing. I felt my gaze shift to the reprobate ex-husband, who was watching them too, and his eyes were filled with jealousy and spite. I just want to laugh in his face.

I walked to Addison and Daniel who suddenly stopped flirting.

"Look at you two!" I said teasingly. They looked at each other and smiled. And then they looked back at me.

"What?" Addison asked pretending not to know what I was talking about.

"You're too sweet. It's cute. That reprobate ex-husband of yours is writhing across the room" I said and they started to laugh.

"Writhing, huh?" Daniel said. He looked at Addison and winked and walked away.

"What was that about?" I asked Addison, who was stifling a laugh.

"He's trying to make Derek realize what he lost. So yeah, he wants to see him writhe"

"That's my guy!" I said as I walked to Daniel, who was talking to Izzie and the other interns, and I patted him on the back. "Way to go, Dan" I said.

* * *

After a few hours, people were really starting to get buzzed, especially Addison. She started telling a story animatedly that caused people laughing hysterically. Daniel has his arm wrapped around Addison's shoulder. Derek walked over to Addison. 

"I have to go" Derek said, rather snappy.

"Alright, take care, good night.

"Night"

"Thanks for coming" Addison said as he walked out and slammed the door. Not hard, but he did slam it. "What's his problem?" Addison asked.

**

* * *

Daniel's POV **

I lay awake listening to Addison's rhythmic breathing. She had a great time at the party even though Derek was there. I didn't leave her side as she asked me not to. I like the feeling of being able to take care of someone. And Addison, all she wanted was to be taken care of.

I watch her smile in her sleep. I swept the stray her on the side and watched her beautiful face. Addison is beautiful and amazing. I don't understand how Derek could stand to be indifferent towards her. I wouldn't pass up on someone like Addison.

I've seen Addison gradually change since I met her. She'd open up to me about how broken she is or how Derek broke her. She told me everything, or at least what I think is everything. And slowly, she became happier. I'm started to think that she just needed someone to be with her, to take care of her, to pay attention to her, to love her. And those were the things Derek didn't give her.

I smiled as Addison started to mumble in her sleep. I couldn't understand what she was saying but she seemed happy. I wrapped my arm around her and held her tight.

"Good night, Addie. Sweet dreams. I love you" I whispered and kissed her lightly on the lips.

**

* * *

Addison's POV **

It's been a week since the party and since then, Derek has been really cold towards me. Why? I really don't know. But I've had enough. I've been trying to be unresponsive towards his actions, but I couldn't take it anymore. He'd just snap at me every time, whether it's in front of a patient or our colleagues. I couldn't think of a reason why he'd be so mad at me.

I saw him across the hall. And as our gaze met, he turned around and walked the opposite direction. I ran after him and as I caught up with him I took his elbow and made him face me.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked

"I don't know. Can you?" he snapped at me. I don't really have time for sarcasm right now.

"What the hell is your problem? Did I do anything bad that makes you mad like that?" I tried so hard not to yell. He sighed.

"I'm sorry. Its just that—" he started but then he stopped.

"It's just what, Derek?"

"You moved on and I'm just mad" He said quietly

"Mad? You're mad at me for moving on?" My voice was rising.

"No! I'm mad at myself for being jealous that you moved on. I'm mad at myself for not being happy for you that you moved on. I'm mad at myself that you're moving on and I couldn't!" He yelled. We were definitely making a scene but I don't care anymore.

"Derek, you cheated on me. You moved on way before we separated. You ignored me. You didn't care about me!"

"No, I haven't…. I haven't moved on"

"Why can't you just be happy for me? Are you that selfish that you only want yourself to be happy? Are you that shallow that you're just happy when I'm miserable? I deserve to be happy, Derek. I've paid my debts when I cheated on you. I moved on and you should too. Just let go, Derek"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm still very much in love with you!" He yelled. And his expression suddenly changed as if he didn't expect to say those words.

I stood there, stunned. I looked around and people were looking at us. I turned around and walked away from him, walked away from them.

Where was all these when I needed it? I'm with Dan. I'm happy with Dan. I love Dan. But Derek's revelation is a totally different thing. This isn't fair. I loved Derek for 15 years. I'm not in love with him now but of course there are still feelings in there.

This isn't fair.

Fair is Derek being able to love me while we were married, or Derek telling me that he's in love with me when we were going through a tough time, or putting me back together himself while he was slowly breaking me.

* * *

I walked in my apartment and Dakota came running to me. I picked her up and put my stuff down. 

"Hey there, sweetie. How are you?" I asked her. Great, not I'm talking to a dog.

I walked to the kitchen and got myself a glass of wine. I went to the living room and kicked my shoes off and sat on the couch and started to play with Dakota.

"Look at you. You're so happy today" Have I really gone crazy? I stroked her hair and she put her head on my lap "You know," I continued "Today isn't really a good day for me. I've been really happy… but since today, I don't know. What do I do, Dakota?" I asked. I'm not really expecting an answer, well because she's a dog. Her head suddenly shot up and after a second someone knocked on the door. I stood and walked to the door with Dakota following me. Who could that be? I wasn't expecting anyone and if it was Danny, he'd just walk in because he has a key.

"Danny" I said as I saw my boyfriend standing with a bag of, what I only assume is food.

"Hey, babe" He said as he walked in and kissed me on the lips "Are you alright? Something's wrong" he said

"What? No. Everything is fine. Wait, don't you have a key?"

"I left my keys at home. How stupid am I?"

"Pretty stupid" I joked and offered a weak smile.

"Seriously, Addie, what's wrong?" He pulled me in his arms and he started to rub my back "Babe, you know you can tell me anything" I sighed and I felt tears spill from my eyes.

"Derek said he's still in love with me" I said into his chest.

"What did you do?"

"I walked away" I said as he held me tighter. "I don't know what to do, Dan. I don't know what to do"

"Do you still love him?"

"I don't know. All I know is I'm not in love with him" tears couldn't stop falling

"Then why are you so upset?"

"Because he used to be the only man I've loved. And I thought all these time he fell out of love with me. We're divorced. I moved on. I'm in love with you. And now he loves me. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I feel. I'm just…. Dan, what do I do?" I cried. He just stroked my back. He took a deep breath.

"I don't know, Addie. I don't know"

* * *

reviews are really appreciated.:) 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: So, here's an update for you guys. I'd like to thank **Chrissie, **although she was being a reprobate (yes, that's my favorite word)and didnt help much. But still. And thanks to the people that Chrissie bugged too.

Please review.

* * *

Chapter 6

"Dan" I said after a few seconds. We were still in the same position as we were. We just stood there his arms wrapped around me. "Derek said he loves me" I said quietly again. He chuckled.

"I know, babe. AndI know somehow you still love him too"

"It took me a long time to get over him. And now I'm happy with you. Is it just me or he's just being selfish?"

"Addie, all you have to so is simple: listen to you heart"

"Not as simple as it sounds, Dan"

"Close your eyes. Imagine your future. What do you see?" I did. What I saw was great, really great. But I still can't help but worry.I opened my eyes and stared in his.I felt safe. I felt secured. I felt comfortable. I felt loved.

"I see me, with you… but…" I said and suddenly stopped. I looked into his eyes. He leaned in and kissed me.

"Are you hungry? I brought Chinese" he said changing the subject. I'm glad he did because i didnt really want to talk about it. I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm starving" I said quietly. He walked to the kitchen and ate in silence.

I know Dan knows my uncertainties. He knows that I might still love Derek. I don't want to scare him away. I really love him. I don't want to think about Derek. But he's Derek. It's hard not to think about him. You know, Derek, the man I'm married to for more than a decade. It's hard to let go. I know I buried my feelings for him somewhere but I've never really let go. I am so confused.

* * *

I sat on the usual table in the cafeteria waiting eating my lunch while trying to read a magazine. Every time I start reading my mind slowly drifts off to Derek or Daniel. What do I do? 

"What's wrong? You look like crap" Miranda said as she sat next to me.

"Thanks" I said sarcastically

"So… what's wrong?"

"Derek told me he loves me"

"So, the rumors are true"

"What do I do?"

"Nothing" She said. Well, that was helpful.

"I can't stop thinking about it"

"Addison, we're talking about Derek here, the reprobate who broke you"

"He's also Derek, the man I married for 12 years"

"And the same Derek that treated you like crap"

I sighed in frustration. I couldn't think anymore.

"Addison, you deserve to be happy especially now with Daniel. You've earned him. He gave you a dog. Your reprobate husband—"

"Ex"

"Your reprobate ex-husband clearly has brain damage for letting you go and then now reveals that he loves you"

"But Miranda…"

"Addie, I really don't know how to help you. Only you can help yourself"

"You're right… I'm the only one who can help me" I sighed

"Which means…."

"I'm going to stop thinking about Derek and continue to move on with Daniel" I said and smiled weakly

"That's my girl"

* * *

I sat in the dark in my office and I picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. 

"Hello?" someone answered. I smiled at the voice.

"Hey babe"

"Hey honey. You feeling better?" he asked. Oh he doesn't have any idea.

"Yeah"

"So, what's up?"

"You busy tonight?"

"Not for you" he said. "What do you have in mind?"

"Take out, movie, and maybe some lovin'" I joked. I heard him laugh on the other line.

"Sounds like a plan"

"Yep"

"So, you still don't know what to do… about, you know" he asked. I somehow knew this was coming.

"No… I already did what I have to do"

"What's that?"

"To be with you" I said. I could imagine him smiling right now. "So… what are you wearing?" I asked attempting to lighten the mood. He laughed out loud.

"Oh god, please, Addison, I'm at work. I have patients, who are at very young ages, that'll come in any minute now" he said still laughing. I smiled "Rain check though"

"Of course"

* * *

"I don't see the point of this movie. I just don't understand it" He said. I looked at him in disbelief. 

"What's not to understand about that?" I was really frustrated

"He's married… but he's still flying to another country for another woman"

"Because he loves her"

"But he doesn't know her! And he's getting married to a woman that he actually knows!" he argued

"Because they're letting fate determine if they're actually meant for each other"

"But why would they—" he started but I cut him off

"You know what… forget about it" I sighed

"No! I want to understand the movie!" Why is being so stubborn?

"Okay, to make the long story short, They let fate determine if they're meant for each other and there were signs everywhere and then years later, they meet again… and blah blah blah, they end up together despite all the obstacles that keep them apart" I sighed frustrated

"Oh that's why it's called Serendipity"

"How was that hard to understand?"

"Oh no, I get it perfectly. I just love seeing you frustrated" he said. I glared and threw popcorn at him.

He leaned in and kissed me. As the kiss got deeper, I was trying to take his pants off as he was lifting my skirt up. He picked me up from the couch and I wrapped my legs around him. We slowly made our way to the bedroom but we didn't make it. He leaned on the wall as his legs gave up and we slowly slid on the floor. I straddled him as he settled inside me. Silence filled the apartment. Only the heavy breathing and pleasurable moans can be heard. Hoarse voices called out each other's names.

* * *

I woke up the next day tangled with the sheets and Daniel. His arm was draped on my stomach and his face buried in the crook of my neck. I smiled when I remembered what happened the night before. I rolled to face him and watched him sleep. 

"Good morning" he said sleepily with his eyes still closed. He startled me a little that I let out a small shriek.

"Evil" I muttered. He opened his eyes and kissed me. He rolled over on top of me and started kissing me on the neck. "Oh, too aggressive"

"Do we have time?" he said in between kisses. I reached for my phone to look at the time. 7:45.

"I don't think we do. But you know, I think we can save time when we have a quickie in the shower"

"That's not a bad idea" he said. He quickly stood up and walked to the bathroom.

What Daniel and I do now is what Derek and I used to do. But it stopped through the years. And now, I couldn't help it, but there's still a little part of me that's scared. I am a little scared that maybe I'll just wake up one day and Daniel is the one being indifferent towards me.

**

* * *

Derek's POV **

I love Addison, and I'm just starting to realize that I really do. It pains me too see her happy not because I don't want her to be but because I'm not the one who makes her happy. I miss Addison. I miss the fruity smell of her hair. I miss her shoes everywhere. I miss her perfume. I miss her being around me. I just… I miss her so much. I've taken her for granted. I shouldn't have.

The elevator door opened and Addison was in there all smiles. I hesitated to go in at first because we've been avoiding each other since I blew up in front of her. As she saw me, her smile faded and sudden uncomfort appeared in her face. But I still had to go in the elevator. Tension filled the cramped space.

"Hey" I smiled weakly

"Hi" she said quietly. Nosy nurses were eyeing at us. I bet another circulation of rumors will go around once again.

The elevator opened again and Addison walked out. I watched her walk away as the door slowly closed in front of me.

I love Addison. But I hate that fact that I love her.

**

* * *

Daniel's POV **

Addison called me and told me to meet her at Joe's tonight. We're going to the movies and maybe have a romantic dinner and continue where we left off this morning.

I walked in the bar and ordered a drink. I sat on one of the stools not noticing who was sitting next to me. When I finally recognized who it was, I felt confident.

"Hi" I said. He looked up from his drink and looked at me.

"Daniel… is it?" he said. I nodded. Joe handed me my drink and sat there.

He opened his mouth to say something but then he closed it again. He looked miserable. I felt bad. I lied, I don't. I don't feel bad for him at all.

* * *

Please review! So next chapter.. i dont know whats going to happen... i really dont. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Again, thanks to those who reviewed. Keep them coming. i really appreciate it! i hope you enjoy this chapter! and feel free to leave suggestions too!

* * *

Chapter 7

_For it is a true rule, that love is ever rewarded either with the reciproque, or with an inward and secret contempt _

-Sir Francis Bacon

**Daniel's POV**

I didn't say anything. I just sat here and nursed my drink as I wait for Addison. I have a lot to say to him, I want to make him sorry for what he did to Addison. But I don't want to. I decided not to

"We never realize what we have until it's gone" He quietly said. Damn right.

"She told me you told her that you still love her"

"I always will" he said "Thank you" they way he said it was sincere but somehow bitter. I was confused

"For what?"

"For making her happy"

"I love her. That's all I want her to be" I said honestly.

"I blew it" he said and laughed bitterly

"Big time" I scoffed

"She's amazing, you know"

"Yeah, I know. She really is"

"You're just starting. It'll get better" he said. I smiled. Was he actually being nice?

"What made you ignore her?" I asked. But I suddenly regret asking.

"I don't know. I just…. I took her for granted"

"That really broke her" I stated. He nodded sadly.

"And you fixed her"

"Not completely. There are things that I couldn't. There are things that only you can" I told him.

"This is awkward" he said followed by an awkward halfhearted laugh

"Yeah… it is"

"Take care of her. Don't make the mistakes I did"

"I'm not planning to"

"She's really great. Hold on to her. Don't ever let her go" Was he actually saying these words?

"I'll try my very best not to"

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

I walked in and saw two familiar backs facing the door.

Are they actually sitting next to each other?

Were they just talking?

I walked slowly to them. I didn't really want to talk to Derek is some way. But I guess I have to.

"Hey," I said mainly to Daniel but Derek looked up too.

"Hey" Daniel said.

"Hi" Derek said. I smiled at him to acknowledge his presence.

"You ready to go?" I turned to Daniel

"Yeah, of course" I looked at his drink that wasn't finished yet. I really wanted to get out of there. So I took the glass and I bottoms up-ed the drink. Daniel just smiled at me.

We walked out of the bar hand in hand but I can still feel Derek's eyes on me—or us.

"Were you actually talking to him?" I asked Dan as we got out of the bar.

"Why not? He seems like a nice guy" I shot him a look

"Seriously?"

"He talked to me first. Well, I said hi first"

"Ah"

"Does that bother you?"

"No. Not really" But actually, yes, it some way it does.

"So romantic dinner?" he asked as he engulfed me in his arms

"Of course"

**

* * *

Derek's POV**

I can't believe I just talked to that Daniel guy. I mean sure his great. Sure he's perfect for Addison. But I love Addison. I'm supposed to be with Addison. I'm meant to be with Addison.

How did I screw things up so badly?

Why did I let things get this worse?

Why am I realizing now that she's happy with someone else?

How could I be so stupid?

I need to have a plan. I need to get Addison back. I need Addison to fall in love with me again. But how do I do that without hurting her from leaving Daniel behind?

Why does it have to be this complicated?

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

"You know what Derek told me" Daniel said breaking the silence on our drive home.

"What?"

"That you're amazing" Seriously! Did Derek actually say that?

"Oh yeah, baby, I'm amazing in many ways. In bed, with medicine, in shopping, in picking out shoes, in pick—" I started to joke but he cut he off

"Seriously, Addie. I said I really think you are now and he said it'll get better"

"He really said that?"

"He really loves you" Why the hell is he telling me this? Isn't he supposed to be jealous?

"Well, too bad for him. Why do you seem so calm about it?"

"Because I don't feel threatened by him now. Because I know you're with me"

"Yeah… I really am with you" I smiled. His hand reached out for my knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I love you, Addie"

"I love you too, Dan" This is why I love this guy. He doesn't have insecurities. But in some level that could be bad or maybe not.

* * *

I lay in bed thinking about things, like I always do. I turned around and watch Daniel as his arms were wrapped protectively around me.

"You know, I really hate it when someone watches me sleep" he said with his eyes closed

"And I hate it when you do that"

"What are you doing up?" he asked as he slowly opened his eyes

"I couldn't sleep. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I'm trying to. Why can't you sleep?"

"Billions of things running through my mind"

"Care to share?" he asked as he slowly rubbed my back

"What will you do if your ex-wife tells you she loves you?"

"Addie, I thought you're over this"

"No. I'm over about the Derek thing. I just want to know what you'll do"

"First of all, my ex-wife is now a lesbian so I don't think that will happen. But if it ever did, I wouldn't choose her"

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't deserve me. And now I'm with someone that I really love"

"You mean that?" I eyed at him

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

I sighed. He gave me that 'what?' look.

"I'm scared"

"Scared of?"

"Losing you"

"I won't go anywhere, Addie. Does this have something to do with Derek?"

"I just don't understand why he's doing this to me. I'm scared that I might scare you away because I'm with you and yet I find myself thinking of Derek"

"I understand, Addie. I know you loved Derek for a long time. I get that. You won't scare me away. What will scare me more is if you tell me that you don't think about Derek" he said. I held me tighter as I buried my face in his chest. "It'll take time, Addison" he whispered

"I know. Thanks"

"Now can you go back to sleep?"

"I can try" I whispered. He kissed me on the head and we stayed that way until I drifted off.

* * *

I got out of my patient's room to go to the cafeteria to get some lunch. And as I walked down the hall, as I turned in the corner, I almost bumped into someone. Derek.

"Hey" he said flashing that McDreamy smile. Okay, that was weird

"Hey" I smiled a little and continued to walk away

"Nice seeing you, Addie" he called out cheerfully. I stopped on my tracks and turned around but he was already gone. Was I imagining that or he actually said it? Am I dreaming? because I really need to wake up.

I walked to the table where Miranda was sitting.

"Something weird happened today" I said. She looked up at me

"Just like every other day"

"No, really, it's Derek-wise"

"What did the reprobate ex-husband do now?" she asked

"He said it was nice to see me. And he gave me one of those smiles"

"Mcfreakindreamy smile?"

"Yep"

"The nerve" She said coldly

"I know!"

"Okay, so he wasn't talking to you in the past days…. And now he just smiles at you McDreamily and tells you that it's nice to see you?"

"Yep"

"Someone needs to fix his brain"

"Tell me about it" I sighed. "Are you going to eat that pudding?" I asked Miranda. She threw her pudding at me. She always gives me her pudding when she's not in the mood for it.

"So what are you going to do?" she asked me

"About?" I said as I play with my pudding

"The reprobate"

"Nothing. Do I have to do something about it?"

"Not really" she said shaking her head.

Not really? That's totally different from 'no'. Was Derek actually being stupid? What is he trying to do? Make me miserable once again? I should really stop thinking about him.

I decided to stop thinking about him. I don't care if he still gives me that 'I'm-the-man-you-fell-in-love-with 15 years ago look'.

I'm done.

* * *

please review.. i really dont know where this will go.. i guess we'll just wait and see. 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: once again... a new chapter. please review.. and by the way, now i have an idea on how this will end.I wouldnt spoil it for you guys though!

please review!

* * *

Chapter 8

Days go by fast, Derek is being nice and I'm trying to ignore him. I'm moving on. I'm happy that I'm moving on. And now I know I can live without Derek. For 15 years I thought I couldn't. That's why I moved to Seattle and gave up for everything. But even I divorced Derek; Seattle gave me what I thought I'd never find again, love.

I sat in my bed playing with Dakota. I couldn't sleep. Daniel is in San Francisco for a medical conference. I miss him, really. I dialed his number. He answered quickly.

"Hey babe"

"Hey, I miss you" I said.

"Me too. I'll be back tomorrow night"

"I know. It seems like forever"

"Yeah" he said. I sighed as I watched Dakota run around my bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I just got home from dinner with people. Save me, Adds, people here are killing me"

"Why? I thought you were having so much fun?"

"Oh please, unless they're beautiful, hot and they have red hair, and their name is Addison, I won't have fun" he sighed.

"You miss me that much"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep at night because you're not here"

"Ah… we have that in common. Although I have Dakota with me, and as much as she resembles to you, she's not cuddly enough" I hear him laugh on the other line.

"Oh so now I resemble with a dog?" he asked.

"You know it's my lame attempt for a joke"

"Ah… that wasn't lame" he chuckled

"You don't have to be nice all the time, you know"

"I'm just naturally nice" Yeah, that's true. He's really naturally nice.

"Except last week" I said teasing him.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry about that" he said.

"Don't worry about it"

Then there was a comfortable silence, only the sound of Dakota's playful barks could be heard.

"So, how was work?" he asked. I sighed.

"It was fine, nothing unusual. Derek is being nice again. I mean what's up with that?"

He let out a small laugh. "He's just finally realizing how much he lost"

"Why isn't he going after Meredith? It seemed like he's really obsessed with her especially when we were still married"

"Maybe because he's not as obsessed with Meredith as he thought he was. He's just resenting you at that time that's why he's looking for someone that's completely your opposite"

"Yeah…" Then there was silence. "I can't sleep" I said randomly

"I'll be here until you fall asleep, I promise" I smiled.

"Okay"

He started talking about random things until I drifted to my sweet slumber.

* * *

I dragged myself to work the next day just to get over with the day. After work, then I'll see Daniel again. Thank god. Although today was exhausting, I still managed to keep my spirits up. I've saved lives. I've brought life to the world. Life is great.

I stood at the nurse's station going over a chart. I looked at my watch. I sighed. This day is taking forever! My pager beeped. I looked at it. It was an emergency.

I went to the ER. Pregnant woman got him by a car. Obviously, the baby didn't make it. I spent hours trying to save the baby but unfortunately I couldn't. But it made time pass faster. But not fast enough.

I realized I haven't eaten anything since this morning and it's already 3pm. I walked to the elevators and as it opened, inside revealed Derek.

"Hey" I said trying to be polite.

"Hey"

Then there was an awkward silence

"How are you?" He asked

"I'm great. You?"

"I'm…." he took a deep breath and pulled the stop button of the elevator "I miss you Addison"

"Derek…."

"No, Addie, I really miss you. Like, can't sleep at night miss type of thing"

"Derek…."

"I understand that you're moving on and you're happy with Daniel… But Damn it Addison!" he said frustrated and grabbed me from the waist and kissed me.

I pushed him away. Shock took over my body.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked angrily "Are you freaking insane?"

"Add, I'm sorry. I—"

"No Derek! Just…. What are you trying to do? Get everyone miserable like you? You want me back so you can treat me like how you treated me before? I'm traumatized by you, Derek! Just why can't you just leave me alone!" I yelled. I pushed the stop button to resume the elevator.

As the elevator opens, I stepped out and took the stairs to go back up at my office. I decided I'm not hungry anymore. I sank down in my chair and felt tears slowly slither from my eye down to my cheek. I felt my cell phone vibrate and smiled at the photo caller id. It was a crazy picture of me, Dan, and Dakota.

"Hey" I answered.

"Hey, babe" he said. He sounded so cheerful.

"What's up?"

"What's wrong?" he asked ignoring my question

"Nothing. Why would you think something's wrong?"

"Just the sound of your voice" he knows me too well.

"Fine…." I sighed "Derek kissed me"

Silence….

"Derek kissed you" He said more of a statement than a question.

"I pushed him away. God, Daniel! What the hell is wrong with him!" I said annoyed.

"There's really something wrong with him…. Neurologically"

I laughed a little. Yeah, there is. Everyone says so. He's mind is so messed up. He thinks he can get whoever he wants because he's McDreamy. He's more like McEgotistical.

"Anyways, I just called because I have a surprise"

"What is it?"

"I got an earlier flight… so…"

"So, I'll see you earlier" I said. Finally, something good about today.

"Yes. Anyways, I have to go"

"Alright, babe. See you later"

"I love you"

"I love you too" And then we hang up. I smiled. Just hearing his voice makes me feel so much better.

**

* * *

Daniel's POV**

My original plans were suddenly changed. I was planning on surprising Addison with a romantic dinner but then hearing that Derek kissed her has made me decide to do something else.

I got out of the cab and went through the doors of Seattle Grace. Talk about coincidence, or in this case fate, the person I was looking for is right in front of me.

"Derek" he turned around and looked at me

"Daniel"

"What were you thinking?" I asked slightly mad but I kept composed. He looked at me confusedly

"What?"

"It took her months to really get over you. And now you, kissing her, are breaking her again! You don't have the right to kiss her. Are you really that self centered that you don't think about how others would feel? Or how Addison would feel? Just maybe using your brain sometimes wouldn't hurt"

"You have no idea how much I love her" he said shoving his hands in his pockets

"Oh I do! Because I feel the same thing. But you lost your chance, Derek. And to think it's your fault too. Addison loved you and yes, she still probably do in some level but please just to make her happy, don't do this to her"

"I think she'll be happier with me"

"You really think that? In what world are you living in? You're the one who made her miserable in the first place and you still think she's going to be happy with you now?"

"We were happy too, you know"

"Yeah, I know. But you know that she'll always remember about the indifference and the lies"

"What do you want from me?" he asked aggravated

"I want you to stay the hell away from her" I said. I turned around and walked now. Now all I have to do is prepare for my surprise dinner for Addison.

* * *

please review.. i know it kinda sucked.. i'm all floopy today..


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: People, i hope you like this chapter! thanks to those who reviewed and keep them coming!

* * *

Chapter 9 

**Addison's POV**

I walked in my apartment as the delicious aroma of something I don't recognize traveled through my nostrils. Dan is home cooking something, definitely. I walked to the kitchen and he didn't even notice me come in. He was too preoccupied with the dish that he's cooking and the soft rock that was playing in the background.

"So, you're home with a surprise" I said, pun intended, but I'm not sure if he got it. He turned around and looked at me with a big smile on his face.

"Yep" he answered quickly as a smile grew bigger in his face. I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"What is this I'm hearing that my dear boyfriend protecting me from my ex-husband?" I asked and kissed him hello before he could answer.

"He told you?" He asked while he walked towards the fridge to get a beer for himself and for me. He handed it to me. I took it and sat on the counter.

"No. The nosy nurses just conveyed the message before you or Derek did"

"Ah" he said laughing a little

"I heard you kicked his ass"

"Oh, no, that's just exaggerating. I'm more refined than that"

"I know that. So what did you do to him?" I asked and then took a sip from my beer

"I told him to stay away from you"

"That's sweet. But you do know that he won't, right?"

"It's worth the shot" he said as he walked in front of me

"True" I said. "So, what are you cooking?"

"Shrimp penne Alfredo"

"Oh I love that. I haven't eaten one in like forever"

"I know. You told me last week" he said

"I missed you"

"Me too" he said and he put his arms around my waist and held me tighter. He turned around and went back to what he's cooking and he continued to cook in silence.

"So…" I said breaking the silence "What do you think I should do? With Derek, I mean. Because we all know that he will not leave me alone"

"Hmmm" he thought for awhile "I'm not sure but the least you could do is be his friend. Your marriage must've gone to waste but you can keep the friendship"

"Do you think that's a good idea, after all these?"

"Maybe. But that's just my suggestion"

"Yeah. That sounds right. But that will contradict with you telling him to stay away from me"

"Well, forget about what I said to him. You approach him and propose to restore your friendship"

"Doesn't that scare you?"

"I have nothing to be scared about. I trust you" he said. He then turned the fire of the stove off "Well, dinner's ready" I got off of the counter and took plates and set the table.

"Okay… do you really think this will work?"

"If it works then it works. If not, then its not you loss"

"You're kidding, right? Is it just me or your idea is crazy?"

"No. Addie. I just think Derek deserves at least friendship from you" he said as we sat on the table to eat dinner. I sighed.

"Dan, thanks"

"Hey, no problem. But even if as a friend he still mess up then forget being refined, I'll be on his back" he said. I laughed at him.

We started eating and continued talking about things he did in San Francisco or things I did at work. His Shrimp penne Alfredo was amazing. God, this man can cook.

"So tomorrow night you're coming with me, right?" he asked

"Yeah. Why are we going to your sister's again?"

"It's my niece's graduation kind of thing. It's like he's moving on from kindergarten to first grade. It's really cute. So yeah, it's just a celebration. And I like to bring you because they're all dying to meet you. I'm tired of hearing 'when are we going to meet Addison?' 'What is Addison like?' on the phone. So I'm taking you with me to save me from misery"

I laughed slightly "I'm suddenly scared. What are they like?"

"Typical, crazy, loving, sometimes scary, you name it. Maybe you judge for yourself when you meet them"

"What if they don't like me?"

"Oh please, I'm sure they will. You're hard not to like" he said. I smiled. Yeah right.

* * *

Since dinner last night, I've been thinking about what Daniel told me: Rebuilding my friendship with Derek. I really don't know if it's a good idea. What if I fall for Derek again? I hope not but I can't help but wonder. I almost forgot that for the first time tonight, I'm going to meet Daniel's family. Now I'm worried about that too. 

I walked down the hall on my way to the cafeteria as I heard someone call my name. Knowing whose voice it was, I stopped and turned around to face him.

"Addison, listen, I know your boyfriend threatened me to stay away from you, but you know I won't. Addison, please, I don't think I can do that" he said almost pathetically.

"I know you couldn't. That's why I have a proposal for you" his eyes lit up suddenly hopeful.

"Will I be happy with this?"

"I'm pretty sure you will" I said. A smile suddenly formed in his face.

"Let's hear it"

"Okay, so this is a part of me moving on. I'm letting go of all my romantic feeling for you" his smile slowly faded "But I'm proposing that we could rebuild our friendship. You can be like my friend. But you know, only if you're up for it"

"So what does this friendship consist of?"

"maybe occasional lunches, hanging out, maybe having you over at my place doing friendly stuff. You know, normal things friends do"

"Will your boyfriend be fine with this?" he asked.

"He's the one who actually suggested this"

"I thought he wanted me to stay away from you?"

"He changed his mind. He said I should be at least your friend" I said. He smiled again.

"Tell him I said thank you. I just… I can't lose you and not see you, Addison"

"I know and he knows" I smiled at him. I offered a hug and he gladly took it. 'It was just a friendly hug, people!' I wanted to say to the nurses who were looking.

"So where are you heading to?" he asked me as I pulled away from him

"Lunch, want to join us?" I asked

"You and Bailey?"

"Yeah and maybe Izzie"

"Sure"

We walked together to the cafeteria receiving weird looks from people. We were talking about how are days are going so far. We got to the cafeteria and after we got our food, we walked to the table where we saw Miranda sitting. I sat down next to her and she looked up to me and then at Derek.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"He's my friend and he's having lunch with us" I said. Derek nodded and sat down.

"Since when?"

"It's a long story" I sighed. Miranda shrugged.

"So are you scared?" Miranda asked turning to me

"Yeah" I said too quickly

"What are his parents?" she asked. I'm pretty sure Derek is feeling out of place.

"People" I joked a little. Derek laughed and Miranda glared at me

"I mean what do they do?"

"I know. Well, his mom is a college professor and his dad is a district attorney"

"Oh, lawyer and professor. Nice"

"So, you're meeting his family?" Derek caught on quick

"Yeah. They might no like me"

"I'm sure they will" Derek said

"It'll be fine, Addison" Miranda said

"I hope so" I sighed

* * *

Daniel and I stood hand in hand in front of his sister's house. He's wearing a blue dress shirt and black slacks. I was wearing white top and black slacks as well. My hair was simply down and my make up was just simple. His hair was neatly messy. Okay, that didn't make sense but it's cute. 

He looked at me and kissed me quickly and lightly on the lip. "It'll be fine" he whispered. I took a deep breath as he rang the doorbell. He squeezed my hand lightly for reassurance. After a moment, a tall sandy blonde opened the door. I quickly assumed it was Daniel's sister. The apparent resemblance gave it all out.

"Danny!" she exclaimed "And you must be Addison" she said pulling me in for a hug. She pulled away "Daniel has told me a lot of things about you. All good, don't worry" she said enthusiastically. He led us into the house and a middle aged man came to welcome us.

"Daniel! It's nice to see you, son. And Addison, I assume. What a beautiful girl" he said. He looked so much like Daniel.

"Thank you" I said politely.

"Addie," Daniel said "This is my dad, Ross, my sister, Catherine, and…" he looked around "Where's mom?" he asked. And as if on cue, a woman came out of the kitchen with a little girl in tow.

"Daniel!" the woman said

"Uncle Danny!" the little girl exclaimed and ran to him and he picked him up.

"Addison," the woman smiled at me.

"And this is my mom, Maureen. And my niece, Emily" Daniel introduced and Maureen engulfed me into a hug.

"It's nice to meet you finally" she said

"Same here" I said.

The little girl poked me on the shoulder. I looked at her with a smile on my face.

"Are you my new auntie?" she asked as she got my attention.

"Uh…" I stuttered and looked at Daniel

"No, sweetie. Not yet" Daniel said. I smiled. No… not _yet_. "but you can still call her Auntie Addie if you want" he added.

"Okay, because I like her already. She's prettier than Auntie Fatima" Emily said. Fatima, Daniel's ex. Everyone looked at Emily.

"Emily!" Catherine scolded. I saw Daniel suppress a laugh.

"Sorry" the little girl said and looked down.

I got comfortable with everyone and everyone did to me too. Catherine and Maureen were great cooks. No wonder where Daniel got his cooking skills. Daniel, Ross and Tom, Catherine's husband, did the macho thing, the barbeque while Emily and I watched Catherine and Maureen prepare dinner. Emily and I bonded. She was such a sweet kid. I like her already.

The whole night was great. The food was great, Daniel's family is great. I felt welcomed and I really felt accepted.

* * *

please review! I might post the next chapter sooner depending on what happens with my boring day. I hope you guys like this chapter! 


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: this chaptermight have ruined my fic.. but i'm taking the chances. all i can say with this chapter is... i'm sorry.

* * *

Chapter 10

**4 months later**

I sat on the floor of the bathroom, my back leaning against the wall. I was lightly banging my head to the wall.

This can't be happening.

Why do things have to fall apart just when it hits perfection?

Maybe it's true, nothing is perfect.

Things are doing great. Derek and I are becoming friends. Well, most of the time because sometimes he can still be an ass. Daniel and I are doing so much better. It's perfect…. Well almost.

And now I sit on the bathroom floor. I stare at the stick in front of me. Positive. I sighed.

Hey, maybe this is a good thing.

But I'm not ready for this. Maybe so is Daniel.

But how could this happen? I was careful.

But looking on the bright side, this is a blessing.

I wiped the tears that fell. I slowly stood up and walked out of the bathroom. It's 10 in the morning and it was my day off. I checked the messages in my machine since the phone rang a couple of times while I was in the bathroom.

_"You have 3 new messages."_

_"Hey babe, sorry I left without saying goodbye. I didn't want to wake you up. You seemed pretty sick since last night"_

_Beep_

_"Addison, its Miranda. I was just wondering if you're free Friday. We haven't had a girls' night out in a long time. Get back to me"_

_Beep_

_"Addie, its me again, I need a huge favor…. My mom needs to go somewhere and she's watching Emily today. She needs someone to watch Emmy for the day. She said she wants you to so, just get back to me or my mom or whatever. Alright love you. Oh and I hope you're feeling better"_ I sighed.

I picked the phone up and dialed Daniel's number.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty" I smiled

"Morning, I got your message… and sure, I can pick Emily up, maybe spend the day with her."

"Great, Addie! Thanks" he said

"No problem"

"I love you, Addison"

"I love you too" I said.

I changed took my keys and picked Emily at Daniel's parent's house. This is just what I needed, distraction.

I got to the house and Maureen greeted me with a hug.

"Addison, thank you, you're my savior! My friend is in the hospital and I need to visit her I don't want to take Emily with me and I don't know where to leave her. I called Daniel but he said he had to work. Emily said she wants you but I thought you were at work. Dan said it is your day off that's why we called. I hope we're not intruding"

"No, Maureen, of course not. I'm glad I could watch Emily today. I don't really want to bored at home." I smiled.

Just then Emily came running to me

"Auntie Addie!" she greeted me cheerfully. I've always watched Emily every time I can. She's the sweetest little thing.

"Hey sweetie, are you ready to go?" she nodded carrying her backpack with her. I took it from her and hugged Maureen.

"I'll pick her up later or tell Catherine to pick her up at your place if I don't make it on time"

"Okay. I hope your friend gets better"

"Thank you" she said solemnly. I took Emily's hand as we walked over to the car. She's was skipping joyfully like she has no worries in the world. Oh joys of being a kid.

"What do you want to do today, Ems?"

"I don't know. Maybe we could just play with Dakota" she said while I helped her get settled in the car.

"Sure thing, honey. Let's drop by somewhere to get something to eat. Because god knows, Aunt Addie can't cook to save her life" I said. She giggled cutely. I love this kid! "What do you want to eat?" I asked her as I got to the driver's seat and started the ignition.

"Uh… I don't know…"

"How does pizza sounds?"

"Sounds great!" she said excitedly

"Don't tell your mom though. I know she doesn't like you to eat junk"

"I won't I promise!" she said shaking her hair and her blonde pigtails bouncing.

* * *

So the whole day, I've been distracted by Emily. We played with Dakota, we ate pizza, we played house, and I played with her hair as she played with mine. I had fun. Maybe having a kid isn't that bad. But really. I'm still not over the shock. 

What do I do?

How do I tell Dan?

When do I tell him?

What's going to happen now?

I sighed. Emily fell asleep, her head on my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair. Its 6pm. Daniel will be here soon. I then suddenly drifted off to sleep.

**

* * *

Miranda's POV **

I rolled out of the bed in the on-call room when my pager started beeping. I walk grumpily down to the ER.

"38-year old male…MVA… head-on collision… truck versus car… BP's….." the paramedic trailed off. I stared at the patient. Shit. I examined the patient. His heart suddenly stops beating. I started compressions.

"Come on, Dan… stay with me…" I said. Heart beat stabilizes after a few minutes.

"Intubate him. Page Shepherd" I ordered. Meredith rushed in the room

"Do you need an intern?" she asked. I nodded. Meredith came in and stood next to the patient and froze when she saw who it was.

I was doing everything I could do. Derek came in and just stood in shock seeing who was brutally battered.

"What happened?" he asked

"MVA. Head-on collision, truck versus car" I said weekly as I was trying to repair his severe injuries. Derek walked over and examined him.

"It doesn't look good" he sighed

Then a ring filled the chaotic room. Meredith looked for the cell phone that was in his pocket.

"It's Addison" She said quietly. Derek took the phone from Meredith but he didn't answer it.

"Oh god" he muttered. He put the cell phone aside and continued working on Daniel.

"He's pressure's dropping" the nurse announced. Suddenly the monitors started beeping. "He's going though cardiac arrest"

I started compressions again.

"Daniel, you have to hang on for Addison,"

Meredith took the defibrillators.

"Charge to 200…..clear"

"No change" the nurse said

"250…. Clear"

"Nothing"

"300…clear"

"V-tach"

"Let me take over" Derek said to me. I stepped away and let him take over compressions.

"350… clear" Meredith said

"Asystole" the nurse said. I stood there, unable to do something, unable to save the love of my friend's life.

Derek continued compression.

"Derek" I said stopping him.

"No, I have to. He can't go. He can't leave Addison. Addison needs him…. Come on, Dan"

"There's nothing we can do" He stops. He takes his gloves and mask off and walks out angrily.

"Clean him up. Just leave him cleaned up until Addison gets here. I'll inform her" I said. My voice was sad and broken. Daniel became my friend. He was a good man. He pulled Addison through. And now he's gone. I am shocked. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken.

I took my cell phone from my pocket and pressed speed dial 5. After a few rings, Addison answered.

"Miranda" she said. He voice was cheerful and some how expecting.

"Addie" My voice, on the contrary, was breaking. It was sad. It was heartbroken.

"What's wrong?"

"You have to come here"

"It's my day off. And Dan will be here any minute. Is it really an emergency?" the tone of her voice didn't change.

"It is" I said simply.

"This better be life or death, Miranda"

"It is" I said. I heard her sigh on the other line.

"Fine, I'll be there in a few. But I have to take Dan's niece with me" Oh no…

"Okay" I said and then hanged up. I couldn't listen to her voice. She seemed so happy. And I'm dreading to break the news to her. I went to the bathroom and slammed the door. I've saved so many lives today….I even saved a murderer's life today. But why couldn't save a man who's naturally kind at heart? Why couldn't I save someone who is the source of happiness for some people?

I don't usually cry because of a patient. But now, I find tears falling from my face.

**

* * *

Addison's POV **

I walked in the hospital with a sleepy Emily in my arms. Miranda was sitting on a chair looking distraught.

"Jeez, why so sad? Who died?" I asked. She looked up at me. Her expression didn't change. I saw Derek, also looking upset, came over to us. She took Emily from me.

"I'll take her to the family room. I'll have Izzie watch her" he said somberly.

"Okay, you're all creeping me out" I said as I looked at them confusedly.

Derek just simply walked away taking Emily to the family room. I turned to Miranda.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" I demanded. I know there's something going on and it's not about just a patient.

"Addison, sit down" Miranda said, her voice was far away. It was far from the 'Nazi's' voice.

"Miranda…."

"Addison, there was an accident. It was… Well," Miranda stuttered. This doesn't sound good. "Daniel… Dan was in it. We tried everything we could. But he didn't make it"

No. This is just a dream. Wake me up, NOW! I wanted to scream. I wanted to…. Just…

"No…this is some sick joke" I whispered.

"Addie…."

"I didn't even get to say goodbye"

Tears started falling. No, please. Tell me I'm just dreaming.

"Addie" I was too numb to talk to anyone.

"Do you want to see him?" I nodded weakly. Miranda walked me to the room where Daniel was. She left me alone.

I took a chair and sat next to him.

"Danny, baby… it's me, Addie… please wake up… please…" I took his hand and held it closely to my face.

"Today is a very bad day. And I need you too pull me through it. What am I going to do without you, Daniel? You're the one who's always telling me what to do"

I caressed his assaulted face. He looked so peaceful though.

"Dan… please, you can't leave me like this! You can't just knock me up and leave me" I laughed sadly. "Danny…. Please tell me you're going to wake up. Or I'm going to wake up soon. I need you. I really do. Danny…."

I buried my face on his chest and sobbed uncontrollably.

**

* * *

Derek's POV **

I stood outside the room watching Addison grieve. I wanted to hold her. I waited for a few minutes before I went in.

"Addie, come here, honey, they have to take him" I said as I rubbed her back

"No…. he can't leave me Derek, this isn't fair!"

"He's gone now, he's not coming back"

"No!" she yelled pushing me away

"Addison, I know it's a hard time" she said but she continued crying.

"He's didn't even live to see his child" Is Addison pregnant? "He didn't even know he's going to have a child" she said. Her voice was blank.

"Oh Addie…"

"Derek, what will I do without him?" she asked staring and caressing Daniel's face. "Who's going to tell me what to do? Who's going to guide through everything? Who's going to be there for me?"

"Addison, I know it's a hard time. But I'm your friend. I'll always be here for you"

"But you're not Danny" she said pain was evident in her voice "You'll never be Danny"

She started sobbing again. I took her in my arms. She clung to me and sobbed uncontrollably. I help her until she calmed down.

I wish there's something I could do to help her ease her pain. I wish all of these were just a nightmare. I hate seeing Addison like this. Addison doesn't deserve this.

* * *

i cried writing this chapter it was hard for me to finish. So yes, this fic is going to be and Addek. Omg, i suddenly regret writing this chapter. okay, please dont kill me..just review.. good or bad, i can take it. 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Again, sorry for killing Daniel off. I dont know what came to my mind. I was really sad that day. And i realized i forgot to call his death... so yeah.. just add this somewhere "time of death... 7:43". Again, sorry.

but please review!

* * *

Chapter 11

**Derek's POV**

Gloomy clouds loomed over Seattle. Rain was threatening to fall. I stand with people wearing black. People grieved. The mood of the crowd matched the weather. I don't know what I'm doing here, but as Addison's friend, by proxy, I'm Dan's too. I'm standing next to Miranda. She's just as devastated as me, even probably worse. It's hard for her—for us, to see Addison this broken again.

My gaze shifted to Addison. She was sitting next to Daniel's sister with Daniel's niece sitting on her lap face buried on her chest. She's suddenly accepted to his family. She's still crying. She hadn't stopped since she found out. We've forced her to eat, even to sleep. She'd listen after long nagging. Addison is stubborn, that's a given fact.

As the funeral was over, the guests left the cemetery. I would leave, but I wanted to make sure Addison is safe. I watched her as she said goodbye to his family. His family then left leaving Addison alone still sitting in front of the grave. I stood near not far away from her watching her. I slowly walked to her.

"Hey" She looked up at me and smiled "How are you holding up?" she looked back down

"I don't think I can do this alone" she said quietly.

"You're not alone… you have Miranda, you have his family, you have me"

"But Daniel… he's Daniel… and he's gone. You know, that day, I didn't even see him. I woke up that day, he was gone. And then same morning, I found out I was pregnant" she said and sadly smiled "And then he just left messages in my machine… so I called him. And he asked me to watch Emily. And the last thing he said was 'I love you'" a tear slowly fell "While I was watching Emily, she told me Daniel really loves me because he told her. I was going to tell him that I'm pregnant that night. He's great with kids. He really is. And he told me he always wanted one. And now he's going to have one, and he's not even here"

I sat there. I don't know what to say.

"What am I going to do without him?" I leaned to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

"You're going to move on for him and for your child. It's hard, but there are a lot of people here for you, Addie."

"He's really gone now" she whispered still staring at the grave in front of us

"He'll always be watching you and guiding you. He'll forever be with you, not physically. But he's always there." I said and placed my hand on her chest. She looked at me and smiled weakly.

"He will be… forever" she said as a tear crept down her face. I took my arm off her shoulder and just sat there quietly.

Tears started falling from her eyes as the rain started to pour.

"Addie, let's go" I said offering a hand she took it and I pulled her up. I took my jacket off and held it over her head as I led her to her limousine.

"Thank you" she whispered. She went inside the limo. I bent and kissed her on the cheek.

"Anytime, Addison" she smiled. I closed the door and watched as the limousine drove away.

Right now, as much as I wanted to make a move on Addison, I just need to be a friend for Addison. For the past months I've feigned to be her friend. Well, I am, but I obviously wanted more but she really loves Dan. And I respect her so much. I want her to be okay. I want to help her to be okay. And at this very moment, I wish I were Dan just to make her happy.

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

After the cemetery, I went to Dan's parents' house where there was a small reception. I went in and Emily came running to me. I picked her up and we walked to the living room.

"Auntie Addie, you're kinda wet" she said

"It's raining" I said quietly. My voice was fading away due to all the crying.

"The angels are crying" she said sadly "Because Uncle Danny died" I looked at her sad eyes. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't anymore.

"Addison" someone said. I looked up it was Maureen. She walked to us and gave me a comforting hug and introduced me to people.

I'm tired of people giving their condolences. I sighed and looked for a spot where I can just sit down away from people. Emily and I went to the kitchen. It was quiet. Emily started eating the cupcake that was in there quietly. I watched her carefully. She somehow looked like Daniel. Well because her mother is like Daniel's carbon copy.

"Auntie Addie" she said

I looked up at her

"Yes, hun?"

"Are you okay?" she asked

"Yes, why?"

"You're looking at me" I smiled at her.

"You look exactly like your mom and your uncle Danny" she smiled at me sweetly.

"I miss Uncle Danny" her smile faded she said after a while

"I miss him too, baby, so much" I said. I walked over to her and hugged her.

"Hey" Catherine said as she walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy. "I was looking everywhere for you, Em. Hey Adds, how you holding up?" I shrugged. She wiped the icing off Emily's face. "Are you hiding out here too?"

"Yeah"

"Getting tired of the condolences?"

"Yep" she smiled at me.

"Me too" she sighed and sat on a stool next to me.

"Emily looks like you and Danny so much" I said

"Our genes are strong" she said. Should I tell her that I'm pregnant? No? What would Danny do?

"I don't know what to do" I said looking at her

"With?" she asked

"I'm pregnant" I said quickly. Her mouth dropped and stared at me for a few seconds

"Seriously?" she said. "How far along?"

"I'm not sure. I just found out"

"Does Danny know?"

"I was going to tell him that night"

"Oh, Addie" she said and walked to me and hugged me. I couldn't help but cry. "You're going to keep it, right?"

"Of course" this baby is my only link to Danny.

"That baby is going to be gorgeous" she said trying to lighten the mood up. I smiled at her

"Baby?" Emily said looking up at us.

"You're going to have a cousin, sweetie" Catherine said. Emily broke into a smile.

"When?" her eyes lit up

"Soon" I said.

"Yay!"

"You know, Danny always wanted one, but his ex didn't want one"

"He told me."

"Even when we were kids, he's a natural with children, that's why he became a pediatrician"

"He'd always joke about that. He'd tell me he became a pediatrician because he's a pedo" I said. Catherine laughed lightly.

"He'd tell me that too. Sometimes I don't really get his sense of humor" she said. I smiled at her.

"But yeah, he'd tell me he really likes kids and that maybe we'd have one soon"

"He was going to ask you to marry him, you know" she said quietly. I looked up at her. "He always bragged on how amazing you are. Every time we talked he never fails to mention you. And since his ex, he hasn't been that happy until he met you" I smiled

"He made me so much happier too. I don't know what I'm going to do without him"

"Daniel is a hopeless romantic. He has this need to make a girl feel being taken care of or being loved. But his ex wasn't there. So he cheated once. Not his best decision. So they divorced. After a few years of being alone and sad, he calls me up one night" she smiled at me "He said he met this girl. He said she's perfect. And I asked him how did he know? Since it was just like the first date. He said he just have this feeling. I asked what feeling. And he said that that woman will be the mother of his child and he'll be with that woman until the day he dies" she said her voice cracking. All of a sudden, both of us were in tears. Emily handed up tissues and smiled thoughtfully at us.

"Well, he was right" I said

"He was"

"Mommy… when will my cousin be here? You said soon, I know, but is it soon enough?" Emily asked interrupting us. I smiled at her

"Not yet, honey, it's going to take awhile" Catherine said.

"Alright! But YAY!"

Just as Emily exclaimed, Maureen walked in and looked at us weirdly.

"Yay what?" she asked. Catherine looked at me.

"I'm pregnant" I said. She slowly smiled

"One life ends and another begins"

* * *

I walked in my apartment and kicked my shoes off. I'm tired. I don't really know what to do now. I sat on the couch staring at a picture of me and Dan not far from me. We looked so happy. We are happy. We've had fights, sure, but we are generally happy. I looked around, everything was so different. It's quiet. It's sad. Dakota jumped on the couch next to me and placed her head on my lap. Even she looks sad. I stifled a yawn. I haven't really slept. I don't really want to. But maybe I'll dream about Dan. That's the closest I could get. I took a quick shower and dressed in one of Dan's shirts. I crawled to bed and hugged Dan's pillow. It still smells like him.

It's finally sinking in. He's gone forever. He's not going to be there cooking dinner when I get home. He's not going to be there to pick me up at work sometimes. He's not going to be there to talk to Dakota. He's not going to be there singing in the shower. He's not going to be there giving me back rubs when I'm too tired. He's not going to be there telling me what to do when I'm having trouble with stuff. He's not going to be there to keep me warm at night. He's not going to be there anymore.

I cried and drifted off to sleep. I hope I'd dream of Dan, because I know that's the closest I could get to him.

* * *

please review:) its what keeps me going! 


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: sorry for the long wait. i was a little busy.:) please review. i really love ya'll for reviewing. seriously.

* * *

Chapter 12

**One Week Later**

I walked in Seattle Grace for the first time since Daniel died. I've received sympathetic looks and condolences. I wish they'd stop I don't want them to look at me like that. Those looks remind me of what I've lost. And I honestly do not want that. I don't want to forget Dan, but I don't want to remember that I lost him.

I tried to act as if I'm invincible. I kept my composure. I plastered a smile on my face and held my head up high. Obviously, they don't buy it. Who in the right mind would be able to smile after losing someone you truly loved? I had to be realistic. I took the smile off my face. I tried to look calm. I tried to look not-so-depressed. I tried to look as if nothing's bothering me.

I just can't let them see me sad like this. I'm Addison, I'm indomitable……not.

I sighed. I walked to my office and placed my stuff to get ready to start my day. I sat behind my desk for awhile to get my mind organized. I smiled as I saw a picture of me and Dan on my desk. We were happy. Oh god, I miss him so much.

I took a deep breath and composed myself. It's time to go back to work.

"Welcome back, Dr. Montgomery" the nurse said as she handed me the chart.

"Thanks" I smiled at her. She was giving me one of those looks. I could be in my bitchy mode right away and make her stop looking at me like that. But I couldn't. I won't.

"Addison!" Izzie said behind me. I turned around and she threw her arms around me. I was caught off guard by the gesture "Thank god you're back. This place is falling apart without you"

"That bad?"

"Dr. Payne, the chick who took over while you're out, is a PAIN" she said dramatically. I laughed lightly at her.

"Well, I'm glad I'm back too"

"How are you?" she asked as we walked together to the patient's room. I just looked at her, unsure of what to answer "Feeling better?"

"Getting there" I answered. She smiled at me, a comforting one not one of those sympathetic smile.

"Good to know" we walked quietly "It sucks, doesn't it?" she said breaking the silence

Oh right, she does understand how I feel, finally someone who does.

"Yeah, it does" I said to her

"It'll be fine" she said giving me a reassuring pat on the back.

"Some time, it will" I looked at her and smiled.

We entered the patient's room. This is it, I'm back to work.

* * *

I stayed in my office during lunch. I just couldn't go out and be around people. It'll take time. Moving on takes time. I can move on. I know I can. I can do this. A soft knock on my door filled the bearable silence in the room. 

"Come in" I informed the person. It was Miranda. She walked in and sat on the chair in front of me

"Hey" she said

"Hi"

"I haven't talked to you in a while" she said handing me her pudding. I smiled gratefully at her.

"I know, I haven't really talked to anyone these past few days" I sighed.

"How are you?"

"If someone gave me a dollar every time someone asks me that question, I'd be rich right now" I said and smiled at her "But I'm getting to the 'fine' part of my answer"

"Good" And then she eyed at me "There's something else" she said

"What?"

"There's something else you're not telling me"

"There's nothing"

"Fine, if you say so" her pager beeped "Anyways, that reprobate ex husband was looking for you. Just giving you a heads up" She said as she stood up. I smiled at her.

"He's not that reprobate-ish now, you know" I said. She gave out a small laugh

"Yeah, but he's worth calling one" she winked as she walked out. "Joe's tonight?" she asked.

"Sure thing" I smiled and she walked out. As she opened the door, she almost walked into Derek.

"Sorry, Miranda" Derek said.

"No need to apologize" she said and looked back at me again giving me that 'I-told-you-he's-looking-for-you' look. She opened the door further to let him in and walked away. Derek closed the door on his way in and giving me that smile.

"Hey. How—" he started

"Please don't ask me how I'm feeling. I'm sick and tired of hearing that" I said and he gave out a whole-hearted laugh.

"Okay, point taken. Have you eaten?" he asked instead.

"Yeah" I said

"I brought you something just in case" he said handing me a sandwich and a bottle of water.

"Thanks, I still could eat some. I just had a yogurt" he smiled at me.

"How's your first day back?" he asked as I opened the sandwich he gave me

"It's pretty good. It's keeping my mind off stuff" I gave him a sad smile

"That's good." He said. I nodded and just looked at him. He was just looking at me too. His pager interrupted our eye contact. "I got to take this" I nodded. "Want to hang out later?"

"Miranda and I are going to Joe's after work. You're free to join us" I invited him

"Alright, I'll see you later" he smiled and walked out.

* * *

I walked out of Seattle Grace, miraculously surviving my first day back. Miranda was already waiting for me at Joe's. I was startled when someone placed an arm around me. 

"God, Derek, you scared me!"

"Sorry" he said sheepishly "Heading to Joe's?" I nodded

"Coming with me?"

"Course…how can I turn you down?" he winked. "How's your day?" he asked as he linked his arm with mine while we walked to Joe's.

"It was fine" I said. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I unlinked my arms from him as we walked in. I walked over to Miranda was sitting in the bar talking to Joe.

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Shepherd" Joe greeted us. "The usual?" he asked. Derek nodded.

"Just water for me, please" I said. Joe and Miranda gave me a weird look. "What?" Joe shrugged and gave Derek his drink.

"You? Not drinking? Okay, what's wrong? What's going on? Addison…." Miranda started to ramble. I sat next to her and Derek sat beside me. Joe went back to tend other customers.

"I'm pregnant" I said quietly. Miranda almost spitted her drink.

"Seriously?"

"If I weren't, then I'd be drinking right now, wouldn't I?"

"When did you find out?" she asked

"The day…." I trailed of not wanting to think about it. She immediately understood it.

"Oh god, Addison" she sighed. I nodded staring at the water in front of me. I so need a drink right now.

"I want a drink"

"You know you can't" Miranda and Derek said at the same time.

"I know"

"Could your soap-opera-ish life be more soap-opera-ish?" she said after a moment.

"You think?" I scoffed

"What will you do though?"

"What else can I do? Raise this child alone of course" I said

"I'm here for you" Derek chimed in. Miranda and I looked at him

"I know" I smiled sweetly.

"You need time off" Miranda said out of the blue

"I just had time off"

"No, I mean more time off. You've gone through a lot, Addie"

"I agree, Add" Add… he hasn't called me Add in a long time. Daniel calls me Add all the time. Add…

"I don't think Richard will let me. And besides, I don't want to take time off alone, and be what… bored to death?"

"I'll go with you"

"What?" Miranda asked Derek

"I'll go with her. Maybe take her out of the city. Like take time off and go to New York or somewhere"

"Since when did you become useful, Derek Shepherd?" Miranda said. I just laughed.

"Hey!" Derek said pretending to be hurt

"That's an idea, though" I said. Miranda looked at me suspiciously

"Are you serious?" Miranda asked me or Derek, I'm not so sure.

"I'm her friend, and she doesn't want to be alone, but she needs time off to relax. And besides, I don't want her to be alone too"

"That's sweet" Miranda said almost sarcastically

"What? I'm serious!" Derek said "It'll be fun"

"Uh huh" she scoffed

"So what do you think, Add?" he looked at me

"I don't know…." I said

"Well, think about it"

Should I? I don't really have any reason why not. Will that be awkward? But he's my friend. I don't see anything wrong with that. Sure, what the hell.

"Fine, maybe I'll go with you" I said after awhile. Miranda looked at me curiously giving me that 'are-you-sure-about-that look'. I nodded discreetly at her. She nodded reassuringly. I turned to Derek and he was giving me _that_ smile.

"Okay then" he grinned "Want me to talk to Richard about it?"

"I think I can do that" I said

"So, where are you guys heading to?" Miranda asked. I shrugged and looked at Derek.

"New York?" he asked.

"Sounds good" I smiled.

**

* * *

**

3 days later

I looked around making sure I didn't forget to pack something.I looked at Dakota who was cheerfully running and jumping around. I'll leave Dakota with Izzie while Derek and I go to New York for a few days. I can't honestly wait to see how that will go.

The doorbell rang and I immediately knew it was Derek. I opened the door and he was standing there with a smile on his face.

"You ready to go?" he asked. I nodded. I walked in and picked up my luggage. I picked Dakota up and my purse and we walked out the door.

"Can we drop Dakota off at Izzie's?"

"Of course"

We reached Izzie's house, which she shares with Meredith and George. I got out and Derek decided he'll just stay in the car. I knocked at the door and Meredith answered it. 

"Addison" she said slightly surprised.

"Meredith" I said coolly. We haven't really talked to each other that much since, well, that _memorable_ prom night. But hey, I moved on from that. "Is Izzie here?"

"Yeah, come in, I'll get her for you"

I went in, Dakota, and a bag of dog stuff in my arms. George was in the living room with Callie. They both looked at me and smiled.

"Dr. Montgomery" they greeted.

"Please, it's Addison" I smiled in a friendly way. They both nodded and went back to the thing they were watching. As if on cue, Izzie came down from the second floor with a huge smile on her face. "Oh please tell me I didn't disturb you from feeding the beast" I said. She laughed out loud.

"Oh no you didn't. Well, I wasn't feeding the beast" she laughed whole heartedly. "Oh hi, Dakota!" she said taking the dog from my arms.

"I really appreciate you doing this, Iz"

"Hey, it's alright. Besides, I like spending time with this little cute doggie of yours! I love her! Right, Dakota?" I smiled at her. I love it when people talk to her. It reminds me so much of Daniel.

"Thanks" I said. "Well, here's her stuff and her food. Take care of her, Iz. She eats every…." I said but she cut me off.

"I know, Addison. I'll do fine with her"

"And my patients… Mrs. Terry, you should—"

"Addison, I know. You briefed me already. Go have fun!" she said and hugged me. She patted my belly and whispered "Be nice to her, okay? Don't give her a lot of morning sickness" I laughed at her. The only people in the hospital that know that I'm pregnant are Izzie, Miranda, Derek, and Richard.

"Alright. Thanks again, Izzie. Bye Dakota, I'll miss you. Bye George, Callie" I said. I looked around and maybe say goodbye to Meredith but she wasn't around. Izzie walked me out the door to Derek's car and she waved at him.

"Bye, have fun!"

"Bye… and thanks, again!" she nodded at me.

We drove silently to the airport. The silence was comfortable. It was bearable. It was nice.

We reached the airport earlier than expected. We had about an hour before the flight boards. We sat down and waited and talked about random stuff.

Maybe spending time off with Derek isn't that bad.

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reviews reviews pleaseses! 


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Another chapter! please review! seriously! i love you people who reviews all the time. Really, i do..

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Chapter 13

We stepped out of the airport. New York, the place I call home. Spring in New York is perfect. Well, sort of. It could get really hot. But it doesn't really rain that much unlike Seattle. Oh New York, the city that never sleeps. I looked at Derek and Derek looked at me.

"We're home" he laughed

"We are" I said. Derek hailed a cab and we got in.

"Morgans Hotel please" Derek informs the cab driver. He turned to me "I got a suite with 2 bedrooms" he said. I nodded.

"Sounds luxurious"

"God knows you need this, Addison" he winked at me. I laughed a little. Yes, indeed I do.

"Thanks for doing this"

"No problem. I'm a friend, and I'd like to help"

"I really appreciate you doing this. But I hope you understand that—" I started

"That you're still very much in love with Daniel. And that I still hurt you so much. And you don't really want to do anything romantically with me anymore" he finished. He still got it. He can still read me.

"Yeah… that. How do you do that?" I asked smirking at him.

"I think you're forgetting that I was married to you." He smiled at me "Addison, right now, I don't want you to worry about that. It's just that, I want you to cheer up. I know this is too soon and that this might be awkward because it's with me. I'm not asking you to forget Dan right now. I'm not asking you to move on right away. I'm just doing this to take your mind off the stress. And I'm not asking you to go out with me again. I'm here as your friend. And I don't really want this to be awkward"

"I understand"

"I really know New York will take your mind off the stress right now, that's why I took you here"

"What exactly are we going to do here?"

"Reminisce, Addie, it's been awhile. Go back to where we started. I'm not telling you to go back where we started with our relationship, I'm just saying, we should go back to the happy times" I smiled at him "It's going to be fun"

Yeah…I guess "Yeah, it will" I told him.

We rode in the taxi in silence just admiring the city that I really missed so much.

It's still almost the same, people everywhere walking in fast pace, tourists staring up at the skyscrapers, crazy cab drivers driving like maniacs on the rode… its still the same 'ol New York. I miss this place so much I can't wait to stay here for good.

We reached the hotel, and our suite was breathtaking. It was very modern. I like it. It's very sophisticated….very Addison.

"Like it?" Derek asked. I looked at him with a grin on my face.

"It's very….." started thinking of a word that fits the description.

"Addison?" he said finishing the sentence for me. He, once again, read my mind. I nodded at him.

"Yeah… It's very Addison" I laughed a little. "So, what's our itinerary for the day?" I asked while I got comfortable on the couch.

"I was thinking lunch at Abboccato" Derek asked. My eyes lit up. We used to go there all the time. It's my favorite Italian restaurant.

"Seriously?" I exclaimed

"Yeah, it's your favorite. How could I forget? I think I'll remember all my life paying $68 for a veal shank" he teased.

"Are you complaining? Because those veal shanks are beyond amazing"

"No, I'm not. I love those veal shanks. I haven't had one in forever"

"Yeah…" I sighed. I miss my old life. I miss the shopping, the expensive food, the Broadway plays, our Central Park brownstone, and our Hamptons beach house. I miss the luxury I used to have. It's a far cry from my trailer-living experience. But hey, that experience was over. "So, after lunch?"

"Central Park, maybe? Visit the brownstone?" he asked.

"Sounds good" I smiled.

After lunch, we got a cab to go to Central Park. We decided to go to the park first before going to the brownstone. Lunch was great. I can't believe what I'm missing. I'm somewhat having fun. I just guess I'll have more fun if I were with Dan. I sighed. Daniel, I really miss him. What the hell am I even doing here? I should be in my apartment with my dog grieving for the loss of my boyfriend… or maybe not. Maybe being in New York with Derek is a way to revitalize myself.

"Derek" I said getting his attention. He looked at me curiously.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this to me? Why don't you get yourself a girlfriend and do these things to her" I just said out of the blue.

"I just haven't found a woman yet"

"What about Meredith? I heard he and the vet broke up like weeks ago" he gave me a weird look. I exactly know what he was thinking. No matter how much he denied it, I know he's going to ask me in some way. "Derek, I know you're here waiting. But us, we're done. We've been done long ago. I want you to accept that and move on. I don't want to hear you say that you're doing this to me because you love me. I believe that you do, but I moved on. I love you, in some level, yes, but Derek, you have to accept that you and I are not going to happen again"

"…..or not anytime soon" he said. I sighed in frustration.

"Is this what it's about? Getting me to be in love with you again? Because if it is,we better stop it right here, right now"

"In some level, Addison, yes, this is what it's about. Honestly, this is the start. But I understand that you're grieving right now. Mostly, this is about me being your friend. This is about me cheering you up. So can we just forget about me still being in love with you? Let's just enjoy this couple of days"

"Fine…" I gave up. How can I forget? How do we forget? How can anyone forget? It's hard to forget the heartache and the pain. It's also hard to forget the joys. I sighed. It's hard to forget someone that you truly love, whether it's in the past or present. Sometimes I just wish I could forget. But sometimes all we hang on to is our memories.

We walked along the park in silence. Spring weather was just perfect. Couples scattered everywhere, being sweet, not afraid to show affection. Looking at them makes me want to breakdown and cry. What the hell did I do to deserve losing Daniel? I felt Derek's eyes on me. I turned to him and offered a smile. He just smiled back. After awhile, we reached the carousel. I smiled remembering great memories.

"Remember this carousel?" he asked

"How could I forget?" he took my hand and waited for our turn to ride the carousel. "You do realize that this might induce my nausea, right?"

"Might…"

"Yeah, might… but still" I said. He laughed lightly.

"So what? Then I'll clean up after you" he winked.

"You'd do that?"

"Of course"

We rode the carousel. As it slowly turns, memories slowly came rushing back in. I remembered Derek and me dating. Derek and I were happy. Those were the memories I chose to forget during the times when I was making a martyr out of myself. Then being happy with Derek makes me remember being much happier with Daniel. We got off, thankfully sans the nausea, and Derek took my hand and continued walking around the park. We finally got tired and sat on a bench.

"So far, yes"

"It'll get better" he said keeping a safe distance away from me.

"Yeah…. So, what are we going to do now?"

"Want to go to the brownstone? We still have stuff there that you might want to get"

"Okay," I said. He stood up and offered a hand to pull me up. I gladly took it. I was expecting him to let go but he didn't. He gave it a gentle squeeze and he nodded reassuringly at me. It wasn't like a romantic holding hand thing. It came out friendly in a way.

After a few blocks of walking, we finally reached our abandoned brownstone. I terribly missed this place. Just standing outside looking at its exterior, brings back all kinds of memories. We walked in and it looked somehow the same except for the boxes and the plastics or cloths on the furniture. It was dusty but it still looked organized and clean. I took the cloth off the couch and sat there exhausted from the walk.

"Ah, I forgot how good this couch feels" I said. Derek just chuckled. He was walking around looking at the boxes and their labels and then he disappeared in the other room. After a while, he came back holding a small box in his arms. "What's that?"

"I found home videos. Want to watch them?" he asked as he plopped the video on the VCR and sat next to me.

_Derek's voice can be heard in the background. "Add…" he said as a door appeared on the screen. He slowly opened the door and tiptoed in the room and a sight of me sleeping in bed appeared. _

I suddenly remembered where this video is from.

_He sat on bed next to me still behind the camera, while the thing was focused on me. Well, it was mostly my red hair everywhere. "Addie, honey, wake up" he said as he softly shook me._

"_What?" I answered groggily still not moving._

"_Addie, it's our honeymoon. You're wasting this precious day"_

"_Tired…"_

"_Oh Addie, come on" he whined_

"_Derek, we've had a long night"_

"_What can I do to wake you up?"_

"_Maybe like what you did to make me sleep"_

"_That just contradicted to what I asked you… not that I'm complaining" he laughed. He placed the camera down as it focused on the wall. Then you can hear noises: Derek's kissing and my giggling, until noises turned into pleasurable moans…._

Derek leaned forward and took the remote and stopped the video. He was blushing. I guess I was too.

"We should put a label on this video… this is… uh… yeah" he stuttered

"Are there any other videos there?" I asked. He nodded. He pulled another one from the box. And placed it in the VCR

"_Derek!" I shrieked. A thinner and younger me appeared on the screen, wearing what I assume was the clothes that was 'in' during the 90s, while draped over Derek's shoulder. "Put me down!" I demanded._

I remembered this video right away. Weiss was filming it. We were having a picnic in the park.

"_OUCH!" Derek shouted in pain as he let go of me and I fell on the grass. I bit him because who wouldn't let go. Everyone just busted laughing until we all couldn't breathe. Derek sat on the grass next to me and gathered me in his arms. He kissed me on the lips as he slowly stood up._

"_Oh god, get a room!" Weiss said behind the camera and he threw something at us. He hit Derek on the head with his goofy hair. _

I started laughing out loud remember what happened that wasn't caught on camera that day. Derek joined me laughing.

"Hey, were you laughing at my hair or you remembered what else happened that day?" he asked

"Both" I said laughing hysterically.

He put in another video and then sat back a little closer to me now.

_Our kitchen in the Hamptons came to the screen. Sav and I were wearing summer dresses-- Fourth of July, definitely. Weiss was once again in-charge of the camera. The glass door leading to the backyard can be seen behind Sav and me. You can still see the smoke from the backyard where Derek and Weiss started the barbeque. But Weiss got bored and left Derek outside. Although I still vaguely remember what happened._

"_So, why exactly are you filming us?" Sav asked Weiss._

"_I'm just documenting whatever you're saying"_

"_Why exactly?" I asked as I took a sip from my lemonade._

"_Okay, fine, I'll just interview you…" Weiss started "So, Addie, How are you today?"_

"_I'm fine, thank you, and you?" I said playing along with Weiss_

"_I'm fine, too. How about you Savvy?"_

"_I'm great" Sav said rolling her eyes_

"_So, Addie, who is that fine man I saw you making out with awhile ago?" I laughed at the stupidity of Weiss's question._

"_Well, Weiss, that fine man is my husband"_

"_Do you love him?" I said grinning widely_

"_Very much… more than anything" _

I suddenly felt uncomfortable and I looked towards Derek. He looked at me with a solemn look on his face. I turned my gaze back to the TV.

_Aww's can be heard in the background from Sav and Weiss as Derek's figure retreating to the kitchen appearedbehind me and Sav. Suddenly a loud bang can be heard. Sav and I looked behind us and saw Derek lying on the floor as he fell because he walked through the clear glass door. Instead of going out and help Derek, we just sat where we were and started laughing uncontrollably. _

All the discomfort was suddenly gone as we both laughed out loud.

"That was really funny" I said looking at him

"Yeah, I still remember that day so well… but I don't think I've seen this video ever"

"Me neither"

After a few more videos, I was finally tired. There's one more video left that we haven't seen. He put the video in the VCR and sat back down on the couch. I shifted my position and placed my head on his lap

"Is this alright?" I asked him. He nodded with a smile on his face

"Of course it is"

_It was a party, not a lot of people were there though. It was just probably less than twenty. Everyone was wearing formal clothes. The setting was in our house though. Mark was holding the camera._

"_Hey Addison" he said behind the camera as he walked towards me. I was wearing a red cocktail dress and black shoes. My hair was down with subtle curls. I looked at the camera and smiled. "So Derek's going to be here soon?" he asked. I nodded at him._

Our tenth anniversary

"_Yeah, I called and they said he's almost done with a patient. He'll be here soon. And I reminded him this morning about this, so yeah, he'll be here"_

"_Good…because I've planned this thing because I know you two didn't have anything planned"_

"_Yeah, thanks again, by the way" _

"_No problem, Addison. Only for my best friends"_

_As if on cue, Derek walked in the house looking surprised._

"_Derek!" I said as Mark turned the camera to him._

"_What--?" Derek stuttered looking arpund the people in the room._

"_Please don't tell me you forgot…" I said. People were looking at us_

"_What's--?"_

"_Our anniversary, Derek, our tenth wedding anniversary" I turned around and went upstairs._

_The camera remained on Derek. His expression was full of shock and regret._

"_Shit" he muttered quietly_

_And then the screen turned black._

That was the beginning of the end.

I lifted my head from his lap. My eyes filled with tears but thankfully they didn't spill. I looked at him as he stared on his lap. He couldn't look at me in the eye.

"I… I'm tired, I want to go back to the hotel now" I said quietly. I would've stayed in the house but the beds are too dusty. He nodded and stood up and turned the TV off. We walked out of the house and got a cab. We reached the hotel in silence. We haven't said a word to each other since then. I went to my room in the suite and lay on my bed.

Tears that were threatening to fall since I saw the video fell freely now. I don't know what I'm crying about anymore. I'm crying about the happy memories that all came back today. I'm crying about the sad memories. Or maybe I'm crying about being alone and not having Daniel next to me to comfort me.

Maybe going with Derek on this trip was a big mistake.

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please review:)


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: okay, really, this chapter is probably stupid. I admit that. I dont know. I'm having a writers block. I know how the story will go, i just can't write it. Yeah, i can't explain it. Anyways, please review!

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Chapter 14

I spent most of the next day without Derek. I wanted space and Derek greatly obliged. Derek and I haven't really talked to each other aside from "I'll see you later", hellos, or byes. I went to visit family and friends. And Derek, I don't really know where he went or what he did.

Our second day in New York, I spent with Sav. We went shopping. We had lunch. We did things we did back then.

"When are you going back to Seattle?" she asked as she shoved the salad in her mouth.

I sighed "Day after tomorrow"

"And where's Derek"

"I don't really know" I said frowning

"What happened? I thought you two were doing so great that's why you agreed into coming here with him?"

"I thought we were too. But all our 'doing great' things are just a cover up of the real issue. He still hurt me Sav. Not just hurt me, but broke me. And whatever he do to make this all better, nothing's going to change that"

"What brought on to this?" she asked. I stared at her contemplating the right words in my mind.

"Yesterday… we went to the park first. And he was telling me that he's doing these things just to cheer me up. And that on some level maybe he's doing this to get me to fall in love with him again. And I said that maybe us will never happen again. And then he said forget about it and we should just enjoy the rest of our trip together. But after that, Sav, how can I forget? He's Derek, the man I married for years! I love Daniel. Really, I do so much you have no idea. But loving Derek is a different story." I said. She looked at me waiting for the rest of what I was going to say.

"But I didn't want to think about that so I let it go. And then we went to the brownstone. And then he found old videos, videos that we haven't really seen. Most of them were happy ones"

"Most…" Savvy said

"Yes, most. There was one, remember Fourth of July?"

"Which one? When Derek walked through the glass door?" She asked. I nodded with a smile on my face and she busted out laughing.

"Anyways, not my point Sav. So, we went to watch the videos. It took a long time. It was like 8 videos in there. Until the last one, it was like reminded me of what happened to us. It reminded me of all the pain that I went through because of him. And then it sort of woke me up to reality. I can't be with Derek anymore because I'm too scared to go through that pain again" I said sadly as I play with the food in front of me.

"Let me guess… your tenth wedding anniversary" she said quietly. I looked up to her and nodded. "Oh Addison, Derek is an ass, let's face that. But that ass, you fell in love with him years ago. And you were in love with him for what...a long time. But did it ever attain to you that that ass is the love of your life? Maybe meeting Dan and losing him is a cosmic sign that you and that ass are meant to be together? You said it yourself, Addie, Daniel fixed you. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Daniel fixed you and restore what Derek ruined, and Daniel made Derek realize that you are meant for him, so that you and Derek can be together? Did it ever occur to you that maybe Daniel is that broken road that will lead you to Derek?" I can't believe Sav was saying this. I stared at her digesting the things she said.

"What are you saying?"

"All I'm saying that Mark, Meredith, or Daniel, they come and go. But at the end, I believe that you and Derek will still end up together"

"What if you're wrong?"

"Then I'm wrong" she said shrugging.

Was Savvy right? But even if she is, I'm not ready to be with Derek again. I don't know if I will ever be. But also maybe eventually.

"But he's still—"

"An ass" Sav said finishing what I was going to say. "You couldn't be any more right, Addie"

* * *

I got back to the hotel suite and Derek wasn't there. I found a note on the coffee table "Addison, I figured you want some time alone, I'm at the brownstone. Just call me if you need me. Take care. Derek" I read. I sighed and sat on the couch.

I feel so alone. Well, I am alone. But I feel like really alone. I feel like no one's there to understand how I feel. And it sucks. I'm too tired to do anything else. So I walked to my room and lay in bed until I fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down my face. I had a dream. I vaguely remember it. It involves Dan. That I know for sure. I was happy. We were happy. That I remember. But I don't know why I ended up crying. Was it because we were too happy and it hurts to remember that I lost something that I know I'll never get back, ever.

_You may have lost me…. But Derek is still there._

It's slowly coming back. It's just a dream, just a dream.

_I love you, Addison. So much and it hurts that I didn't even get to say goodbye._

Dan…

_I'll always be here to watch over you._

He slowly fades away

_Dan…. Don't leave, please_

_I have to, Addie. I'm sorry. _

_Dan… I love you_

_I love you too, baby, so much._

And then he was gone. More tears cascaded down my face. I clutched with the pillow and sobbed uncontrollably.

I felt so alone. I sobbed more until there are no tears coming out anymore. I need someone to be here with me.

I shakily picked my cell phone up and dialed.

"Hello?" he answered groggily

"Der" I sobbed

"Addie, what's wrong?" he asked. I still can't stop crying

"I need you"

"I'll be right there"

**

* * *

Derek's POV**

I hurriedly got dressed and hailed a cab. It was surprisingly easy to get one at this time of the night, or early morning. I looked at the time, 3am. I wonder what happened to Addison. The last time she called me sobbing that she needs me was when her father died. Addison barely cries. Addison barely admits to anyone that she needed them. Something bad must have happened. And I pray that she's alright. I pray that nothing wrong happened to the baby. She's gone through enough. And whatever happened this time, she doesn't need it.

I got to the hotel and waited impatiently for the elevator. After what seemed like forever, I reached the suite and walked in. I went to her room. She was curled up in bed tears in her face clutching a pillow with a tissue in hand. She lifted her head up and looked at me.

"Derek" She whispered. I walked over to her and sat in bed next to her. I pulled her in my arms and soothed her down.

"Addie, what happened?"

"I had a dream" she said, her voice cracking "About Dan…. He said he loves me… but he's gone… I miss him, Derek. I need him" she said crying even more. I just rubbed her back to calm her down. I didn't say anything. What do you say to that?

We stayed that way for minutes until she finally calmed down. Her breathing started to be steady. It wasn't long until she fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up Addison was still in my arms. I moved her to the bed and left her alone in the room. I went to the kitchen to make some coffee for us.

"Hey…" I turned around. A sleepy Addison with red puffy eyes and tearstained face greeted.

"Hey. Coffee?" I offered and she shook her head. Oh yeah, right. "Right, for a second I forgot about that" I said. She's pregnant. She can't have coffee.

"I'm sorry about last night" she said and offered a smile

"Don't worry about it, Addie. I'll always be here, anytime" I opened the fridge and handed her a yogurt.

"Thanks" She said. She sat down on the stool and watched just watched me. "I didn't interrupt anything last night when I called you, right?" she asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"No, I was just, well, sleeping. But it's all good" I said winking at her.

I can feel that she's slowly being uncomfortable.

"Hey, you want to go out and get some brunch?" I asked. You can see in her eyes the hesitation for a moment. But then she looked back at me and smiled.

"Uh, okay. Where?"

"It's Sunday, so I was thinking Bryant Park like we always used to?"

"Sounds great. Do you have anything else planned for today?" she asked

"I was thinking I'd visit my parents. So if you want to come, you're most welcome"

"Okay…Because I don't really have anything planned for today" She got up and threw her yogurt cup in the trashcan. And then ran to the bathroom. I followed her because I was almost sure that she was getting sick. Indeed, I was right. I knelt down next to her and held her hair for her. After a moment, she looked up at me meekly.

"Thanks…" she said hoarsely

"Anytime" I said. "Go get ready" I said smiling at her

"Okay" I walked out of the bathroom and got ready myself.

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

Derek and I sat in the tables in the outdoor cafe in Bryant Park. I pulled down my Chanel sunglasses from the top of my head and glanced at the menu. Everything looked delicious. But not everything would agree with me. Pancakes, I guess I can take that.

The waiter came over to us and took our orders.

"So, Add, What did you do yesterday?" he asked starting a conversation.

"I had lunch with Sav and then we went shopping and then we had dinner"

"Oh, how is Sav?"

"She's great. She and Weiss are now in the adoption list. So they might get a baby anytime soon" The waiter came over and brought us our drinks

"That's great" he said as he took a sip from his drink.

The silence took ever both of us.

"So, Add…" he said and I looked up at him "I just want to make everything cleared" I arched an eyebrow in confusion. "My intention, right now, for you is friendship, nothing more, nothing less. I just want to make that clear."

"Right now…." I repeated

"Yeah, maybe. Whatever I said the day before about me maybe wanting more, I want you to forget about that. If you want me to move on and date someone, I will. But I want you to know I'll be here for you anytime. If your craving for something in the middle of the night, just call me, I'll be right there. If you get nightmares again and you're alone, I'll be there. I just want to make that clear that just want to be your friend now"

I gratefully smiled at him. Somehow, I believe him. A friend, that's all I need from him.

"Okay" I said

"Okay" he confirmed and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

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please review. i dont know when i can put up the next chapter. i'm a little busy this coming days.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I finally finished this chapter. I'm sorry, I had a little writer's block. This chapter is not that great. But now I'm definitely seeing the light. So I might post the next one any time soon. But also, finals is coming up. And this chapter might be a little incosistent because I kind of wrote a part of this slightly buzzed. So yes, please review. I love you all. But I love those who review more.

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**Chapter 15**

**One Month Later**

One month since our trip to New York and Derek and I were getting along surprisingly well. We're friends, just friends. No matter what other thinks, we are friends. We don't care if it's awkward or weird or whatever, we're friends. We go to each other when we have problems. I cry on his shoulder when I'm missing Daniel. He's just there for me always. And I thank him a lot for that.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant now, and thank god I'm not showing just yet. My mood swings, annoying everyone, I somehow feel sorry for them, but it's not like I can help it. I've been really fatigued lately, which is normal. And yes, Morning sickness is still there. I woke up this morning with one. What's new?

I scrubbed out of my early surgery and went to the nurses' station to check on some charts.

"Hey" someone said behind me. I smiled hearing his voice.

"Good morning," I said as I turned around to face him. He handed me a brown paper bag and a paper cup. "What's this?" I asked

"Pretzels and peppermint tea, it reduces nausea." I cocked an eyebrow at him

"How did you know?"

"I was married to a doctor from neonatal for more than a decade, I've learned a lot about those stuffs" he said grinning

"Good to know you learned something from me" I said laughing a little and then took a sip from the peppermint tea. "How did you know I was having morning sickness?"

"Oh please, for the past few days, you've been sick every morning. And it's normal, you're pregnant, it's a given" he said.

"How sweet of you, thank you" he nodded and smiled at me. Then his pager beeped.

"I have to get this. Later, Addie" he winked and walked away.

Isn't he sweet? Yes he is. But sometimes I wish he isn't sweet at all. Sometimes it pains me that he's really sweet and brings me back this doubt on why I divorced him. And then memories come back, oh yeah, he ignored me for a long time and then cheated on me. Then the doubt's all gone. This mixed emotion with Derek is what drives me crazy. Daniel being here makes it all easier because I don't have to think of Derek. But too bad, the only good thing that happened to me in a long time is gone. But now he gave me something good still: a baby that I know I will love so much and remind me forever of Daniel. It's not that I will forget Daniel. It's just that I have this physical reminder that I had Dan—well, this baby and Dakota. Life is so unfair. It's too bad we still have to deal with it.

* * *

I went down and look for Derek because maybe we could have lunch together since Miranda is still in surgery and I don't really want to eat alone. I saw him at the nurses' station talking to Meredith. They weren't really talking. It was more of flirting, whatever. Why do I even care? I sighed and turned around and walked to the cafeteria and ate my cold turkey sandwich alone.

After a few minutes

"Hey" he said cheerfully as he sat next to me

"Hey" Oh, that came out more bitter than I expected

"What's wrong?" he asked

"Nothing" I said. But really…Why is this even bothering me? I just remained quiet and probably obviously pissed. I can feel his curios eyes on me. "What?" I snapped exasperatedly at him.

"Mood swings, I see" he said "You were just nice to me earlier, what did I do now?"

"You tell me" Wow, I'm bitchier than I'm supposed to be. Why am I pissed again? I sighed and looked at his offended face. "Sorry," I said apologetically "I'm just having a….bad day"

"It's understandable" He smiled

"So, what's up?" I asked looking for another topic of conversation

"You know how you told me to move on?"

"Yes" Oh god, this is it…

"Well, Meredith asked me if I wanted to hang out with her some time. And I said yes. And then I was thinking if I should ask her out on a date" I frowned. Wait, did I just frown? "Are you okay with this?" he asked

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm not your wife anymore. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm just your friend who's here for you. And if that makes you happy, then of course it's okay with me" I lied. I don't really have the right to be jealous, but he's Derek.

"So should I ask her?"

"Yeah. This is your chance" Meredith actually initiated first? The nerve. Okay, I shouldn't be saying that.

"Yup, anyway, are you still up for tonight?"

"I thought you're going out with Meredith"

"That's tomorrow"

"Okay"

Yep, Derek's moving on. And I am happy for her. Yes, I'm very inconsistent person. I'm happy for him. But then I'm jealous. But hey, he deserves to move on.

I don't really know how I really feel about this. Yes, I moved on, I love Daniel, but in some level, there's still this pang of jealousy that hit me. Maybe this is how Derek felt when I started dating Daniel. Even Derek and I are divorced it is not realistic to say that we _really_ moved on, that type of moving on where there's no feelings about each other. We were married for more than a decade and there are a lot of feelings and emotions built up all those years. Those feeling and emotions, especially the happy ones, are the ones you hold on to get through the day.

Maybe I am the one in denial about how I feel about Derek. He's admitted to me that he still loves me. Maybe Daniel was the sugar coating in all the pain and bad memories of my failed marriage to Derek. And now Daniel's gone, I have to let go. Maybe just rip off the band aid. Heal the wound the way it's supposed to be healed. Not just to cover it up. Maybe I want to be with Derek, because yes, I still love Derek. Maybe it's time to let go of the denial. It's time to let go of the past. It's time to start from scratch and move on together. But maybe it's not yet the time because I'm the one who suggested Derek to move on too. And now he's doing what he was told to do. How do I tell him I really want to be with him? Why do we always want each other at the wrong times? Enough with the denial, enough with the hypocrisy. Why can't we just be honest? But really, how?

I sighed, thinking about the complexity of life and love.

**

* * *

**

Three Days Later

It's the morning after Derek and Meredith's date. I haven't really talked to Derek since the day he told me he's asking Meredith out. I wonder what happened. Are they going to be back together? No more Satan pulling them apart from each other? Have I really convinced Derek that there's no chance that we're getting back together? Have I really lost my chance?

"Hey" Derek said as he sat next to me in the cafeteria where Miranda and I were eating lunch

"Hey" I said plastering a smile on my face.

"How was your date, McDreamy?" Miranda said

"You know about that?" Derek asked and then took a bite from his sandwich

"I'm the Nazi. I know everything. So, how was the date?" I just sat there not really wanting to hear Derek's answer. I bet it was so amazing mind-boggling type of date that he will never forget for the rest of his life because it is their first date without Derek's hitch.

"It could've gone better" Derek said with a shrug. I felt a huge relief and I don't really know why.

"Are you just saying that or that's really how you feel?" Miranda asked arching an eyebrow on him

"That's how I really feel. Would I lie to you? You're the Nazi, you know everything. You'll know when I lie" Derek said jokingly but Miranda was not so amused.

"I'm not a lie detector. And don't be Mr. Obvious with me, Derek. My patience today is shorter than me. My interns are really aggravating me today" Miranda said exasperatedly. I just smiled at her. Derek just shrugged.

"So what made it so bad? I mean it's Meredith" I said trying to sound nonchalant.

"Well, it wasn't that bad. It was just not how I expected it to be"

"Oh" I said and went back to my food. We were silent for awhile. Nobody really wanted to talk about anything.

"You want to hang out tonight?" Derek asked me breaking the silence. I looked up to him and smiled

"You don't have plans with Meredith?"

"Not tonight"

"Okay, then. I just don't want her to get the idea that I'm taking you away from her again"

"We're not officially together so I'm not hers… yet" he said. _Yet_, of course there's a yet. But he sounded a little unsure.

"Okay then"

"Great" Derek said and smiled. "Want me to bring food?"

"Sure thing"

Oh, god, is this really a good idea? Maybe my new realizations would make things awkward now. What should I do? It's not that I forgot about Daniel, because really, I haven't. I love him. And I'm carrying his child. But Derek, I've been in love with him since forever. And it's not like Daniel is still here anyways. But Derek is with Meredith, well, dating Meredith. Maybe I should just forget about this. Just be friends with Derek, nothing more, nothing less. If ever Meredith and Derek don't make it, then I'll say something. Okay, Addison, stop thinking about it.

I sighed. I wish it were that easy.

* * *

I sat on the couch flipping through channels wearing a comfortable tank top and sweat pants and my hair was tied up. Derek will be here soon with food. I was gently running my fingers through Dakota's hair. It looked like she was about to fall asleep. She's probably tired after that walk in that park. Someone knocked and suddenly Dakota was energetic and ran for the door and started barking. It must be Derek. I stood up from the couch, picked Dakota up, and opened the door. Indeed, it was Derek.

"Hey" I said smiling at him. But at the back of my mind someone was saying, _don't think about it… don't think about it…_ repeatedly

"Hey, I got us food" He said with a big smile on his face as he held up the paper bag. The scent of it came through my nostrils. I frowned. "Smell?" Derek asked with a smirk. I nodded. "I can get other food if you want"

"No, it's fine. The smell was just…but yeah, I like Chinese food" I said. I'm not really fond of the smell of Chinese food these days. But I do crave for Chinese food.

We walked in to the kitchen and started to eat dinner and talked about our days. The comfort between Derek and I is what I really treasure as of now. As of that very moment, that's all I wanted from him. The way he treats me now is one reason why I fell in love with Derek Shepherd. But then along those years that we were married, I have learned that there is more than one side of him, those sides of him that I don't really want to remember anymore. But if we stay this way, then I'll only see _this_ side of Derek, the caring and loving side of him. I don't really want to see those other sides because I'm too scared to be broken again.

But I know one thing's for sure: There will never be another Derek Shepherd again.

* * *

Derek and I sat on the patio enjoying the perfect weather that night. We looked at the cloudless sky filled with the moon and the stars that were shining so bright. The view of the water and the ferry boats was also to be seen. It was indeed a beautiful night. We were talking and reminiscing about how we were. We were reminiscing the happy times.

"What happened to us, Addie? When did we stop being happy?" Derek asked comfortably. I don't know if I should answer. But I did anyways.

"It was when…" I took a deep breath "When—"

"Yeah… I remember" Derek said cutting me off

Then we fell into silence again and I'm pretty sure that we're thinking about how the end _really _began.

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**Yes, i know you hate me for ending it right there. But please review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed. I love you all. So, here's the next chapter which is kinda short. I just need a break because my English exam was excrutiating. So this is kind of crappy. Oh and i'm not a doctor so this isnt accurate or whatever. But yes, please review. I'd really appreciate it.**

**

* * *

Chapter 16**

_Derek and I were in the right time to start a family at that time. It was the perfect timing for our marriage and out careers. We both wanted kids, especially Derek. We have been trying for months. And then that was when we started to go to a specialist._

"_Addison, Derek" the doctor started looked at us sympathetically. I _know_ that look._

"_It's me, isn't it?" I said. His face remained emotionless as he stared at me in the eye. He slowly tore his gaze away from me and went back to the papers in front of him. He remained silent for awhile and the suspense was hanging in the air._

"_It's actually…" he said slowly and then took a deep breath "It's actually you but mostly Derek"_

_I looked at him and I remember seeing the reaction in his face. All I saw was pain in his eyes. I tried to hold back tears that were threatening to fall. _

"_What's wrong?" I asked calmly_

"_Derek has sperm has low motility and you have an inhospitable environment. The percentage of the sperms that are moving is very low and the ones the make it does not really manage to reproduce with the egg."_

"_So… so… we can't have kids?" Derek managed to stutter. _

"_You have other options. You can adopt or have a sperm donor. Or you can try more often but the odds are not good"_

"_Can't this be treated by IUI?" I asked_

"_Yes. But—" _

"_But that would be a longer process that doesn't really increases our chances of getting pregnant" Derek said_

"_Not exactly"_

"_But that's exactly what's going to happen" Derek argued. He was clearly pissed. _

"_How about IVF?" I inquired_

"_That can be a possibility. If you and Derek really want one of your own, that's the best bet"_

"_Of course want one of our own" Derek muttered. I gave the doctor an apologetic look_

"_We have a good chance for IVF, right?"_

"_Statistically, IVF do work with most couples. So I'd say yes, there's a good chance"_

"_Most couples. But not all couples" Derek pointed out_

"_I understand that you're upset right now. But give it some time and think things through" The doctor suggested. _

I remember Derek resenting other options. He became distant for awhile. And then he would just tell me he wanted to try. So we would try often. But then it felt like we were only having sex just to have a baby. It was scheduled and all those. Slowly it feels like there's no love in there anymore. But there are some days that we just wanted each other, without the schedules, without the ovulating sticks or whatever.

We decided to proceed on IVF the first one did not work. So did the second one and the third one. Until he spent less time with me and more time at work, until I see him less and less and less and that's how everything fell apart.

There were good days where Derek would actually see me. He'd ask me out once in awhile. We used to have romantic dinners at least once a week and that became less and less too until I end up eating alone, or with Mark, or not eating at all. I just felt like the whole world around me started falling down.

I didn't really know how Derek felt about it because he didn't open up with me anymore. He never really wanted to talk about it. Maybe probably he thinks that it is mainly his fault that we couldn't get pregnant. But I never really blamed him. We just really wanted to have a child. But adoption isn't good enough for Derek or even a sperm donor. But me, I want to have a child. I bring children into the world, that's my job. But it hurts me too that there's a good chance that I wont be experiencing the miracle of life. And I really wanted to experience that. And adopting or having another woman carry a child for us isn't really close to the experience that I want, but if that's what it will take for us to have a child, I'd do it. But Derek, he's not up for it. Until we busied ourselves with work and we forgot about our dreams.

I looked at Derek as if reading is mind. I know exactly that he's thinking of it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up" Derek said

"It's alright. We've never really talked about that"

"No… no we haven't" he said

Then there was silence.

"But look at you now" he smiled at me

"Yeah" I sighed. I really love Daniel, but there are times I wish this baby were Derek's instead.

"Do you want ice cream?" Derek asked changing the subject

"Of course" Derek stood up and went to the kitchen.

I stared at the view in front of me wondering if our life has been any different if we had a child together. Would he pay more attention? Yes, probably. Would I cheat? No, probably not. Would we move to Seattle? No, probably not. Would we get divorced? Well, probably not. We would've probably been happier, so much happier. Maybe we would've had a daughter. She'd have beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, and beautiful smile. It'll be a perfect combination of Derek and me.

"Here's your New York super fudge chunk ice cream" Derek said interrupting my imagination. I looked at him and smiled gratefully and took the bowl of ice cream from him.

"Thank you" I shoved a spoonful in my mouth and moaned in delight like a little kid. I love ice cream. That's one thing that I am truly, without a doubt, in love with.

"I was wondering…." Derek started "What would our lives be like if we had a kid"

"I was wondering the same thing" I said

"Do you think we'll be here right now?"

"I don't think so" I said and then ate my ice cream again.

Then we fell in comfortable silence, which is surprising given that we just talked about something that we buried a long time ago. I was swimming in thought while eating my ice cream. Thinking about how great our life could have possible been if Derek and I had kids. I can imagine how great of a father he would be. I could imagine him playing with a little girl calling her princess. It would've been adorable. Why did everything have to be this complicated?

"I think I'm going to go" Derek announced. I looked at him and stood up.

"Alright" I walked him to the door with Dakota following us.

"Good night, Addison" he said and kissed me on the cheek

"Night, Derek" I smiled and closed the door as he stepped out.

I cleaned up and got ready for bed trying to keep my mind away from the things that we brought up that night. I lied in bed and stared at the ceiling. I'm tired but I couldn't sleep. My mind just won't shut off. Dakota was already sleeping peacefully next to me. Lucky. I turned to my side and looked at the picture on my night stand. It was a picture of me and Daniel. I smiled at the memory of that picture. I keep a picture of us at almost every room of this apartment. I just like to think about those days that I have really been happy for the first time in years. I thought about those memories and it wasn't long until a fell asleep.

The next day was my day off. Which I'm pretty sure will be interrupted by some emergency or something. I woke up not feeling good, as usual. I actually woke up because I felt something on my forehead. It was Dakota's paw, as if she's checking if I have a fever or whatever.

"What…" I groaned sleepily asking the dog. Well, of course she won't answer. I got up and went to the bathroom. Hmm… what should I do today? I thought. I took a quick shower and then got dressed in sweat pants and tank top. There is nothing to do. It's extremely boring. And it came out of nowhere. I had an idea.

I got out of my car holding a bouquet of flowers. The cloudless and bright Seattle sky—yes, I said cloudless and bright—hang over me. I walked towards the familiar spot.

I knelt down on the grass and ran my fingers through the epitaph. Oh my Dan.

"Danny" I said quietly "Honey, I miss you"

I settled the flowers down near the tombstone. I sighed.

"Dakota misses you, you know" I pulled out the weeds around it. "So, yeah, New York was great. I'm sorry I haven't visited you since I got back" I felt like crying, but no, not yet. "Derek and I are friends. But you know…." I said quietly "I also visited my friends back in New York. Then I realized that I miss them so much. For a second I wanted to stay in New York. But now Seattle is my home." The last time I've been in the cemetery to visit Daniel was the day before Derek and I went to New York.

"The baby's doing well," I said sitting down on the grass. "Nine weeks, Danny" I smiled "I remembered what happened about nine weeks ago. I could be wrong but if that's how this baby is conceived…." I smiled not finishing what I was about to say. He _knows_ what I was supposed to say. "It's been giving me morning sickness, but that's normal. And that's actually good"

"Danny, I miss you. I love you, really. I still don't understand why you have to leave me, when I'm finally happy, but you know I'm still happy. Not as happy as when you were here, but I'm happy. I'm going to have a baby. We're going to have a baby. But you're not here" I tear fell and I hurriedly wiped it

"Derek's dating Meredith" I said and half smiled "And honestly, I was a little jealous. Do you think that's normal? Well, of course you wouldn't answer. But we're still friends. He actually went over for dinner last night. We talked about stuff. We actually talked about how we fell apart. But we didn't talk as in really talked about it. We just brought it up and changed the subject." I sighed and wiped another tear. "I miss that Derek, you know. The one who I know cares for me so much. That was the Derek I married. And right now he's being that Derek again. But you know he's with Meredith now. And I'm happy for him" I stopped talking and just stared at his epitaph.

"I miss you so much, Dan" and wiped another tear "So much" I whispered. I kissed my fingers and placed it on the tombstone.

I stood up and wipe the grass and the dirt off my pants. And I let out a big sigh.

"Bye, Daniel" I whispered and smiled blithely. I turned around and walked back to my car.

I do wish Daniel could answer to me. But maybe I'll get signs. I believe in signs.

What do I do now? I feel like I'm stuck in something. I just need someone to comfort me. Well, that can't be Dan because he's gone. Derek is working or probably flirting with Meredith Grey. And I, I don't have anyone except Dakota who can't really do much.

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**please please review:)**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: So, it's been forever. I dont know if people are still interested with this. But here it is. No, this is not the end. There might be more chapters. So i wondered why i update when i have a shitload of schoolwork? I hope this is worth the wait. And please please review.

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Chapter 17

**Derek's POV**

Honestly, I don't like the idea of dating Meredith. Because the truth is, I'm just doing it to make Addison feel better. She's the one who wants me to date. True, she didn't say 'date Meredith' but Meredith is right there. She's the convenient one. Who I really want to be with is the one who wants me to date another woman. I love Addison and I want to be with her. But Addison is still in love with Daniel and she's carrying his child and Addison doesn't really want to be with me. How do I compete with that? True that Daniel is gone, but I've made Addison so miserable that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. The right time will come I'm sure. And Addison is the one I'm going to end up with, that I'm sure. When? I guess we'll have to wait.

I hate that I realized that I love when the damage was already done. I hope one day, Addison would realize that my love for her is undying and hopefully she'll feel the same way. Being a friend to her right now will hopefully make her realize that I love her and that I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, or in our case, thrice. I know I've been indifferent with her in New York. I know I treated her badly when she moved to Seattle for me. But this time, when and if I get her back and she let me love her again, I promise I'd actually be with her and treat her to so much love and respect.

I have been contemplating lately. Maybe I don't want to be with someone right now. First, it's unfair to that person because clearly, I'm in love with someone else. And now that I'm with Meredith, it's more complicated.

I turned around and watch Meredith sleep soundly next to me. She looked peaceful and happy. I'd hate to say it but it seems like I'm the one who's going to hurt her again.

She stirred and slowly opened her eyes. She looked at me and smiled sweetly.

"Honey, why are you still up?"

"I can't sleep" I answered hoarsely

"There's something bothering you" She said as she sat up slowly. I sat up next to her and sighed "Derek, you can tell me anything"

"Meredith," I took a deep breath "I hate to do this to you again"

"Do what?" There was an unbearable pause "Are you breaking up with me?"

"It's just unfair to you, you know"

"Oh" Meredith said

"I just wish things weren't this complicated"

"You still love her"

"I thought I didn't, but I never stopped loving her"

"After everything she's done to you?" Meredith asked, she sounded somehow mad "After everything Derek, I was here for you"

"You just don't get it. I've been married to her for a long time. We've been together for almost two decades. There are things that I'm only comfortable doing when I'm with her. Meredith, you will never get how I feel for Addie. She was there for me since then. She gets me. I don't really blame her for cheating on me"

"When she first got here, you hated her so much"

"I made myself believe I didn't want her" I sighed "I hated myself because I couldn't hate her. I acted as if I hate her so much, but I really can't. She made it harder for me to hate her when she followed me here and not to mention for her to stick around"

Meredith closed her eyes, as a saw a tear trickle down her face.

"She was brave enough to leave everything she has for me. She's done a lot for me, and I couldn't think of anything that I've done for her"

"You've done a lot for her, Derek"

"Not as much as what she's done for me"

Then there was silence. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and all I saw was Addison. Even though I break up with Meredith, that doesn't guarantee that I will be back with Addison. But I want to be there for her. I want her to know that I'll be waiting.

"So this is goodbye?" Meredith asked

"I'm afraid so"

**

* * *

Addison's POV**

This day isn't like anything else. I couldn't place it, but there's something different. As I walked towards the nurses' station, I saw Derek standing there with a smile on his face. I wondered what was going on. Maybe he scored last night? Or something like that. I pretended I wasn't curious. I walked up next to him and took a chart.

"Good morning" He said

"What's going on? You're not a morning person" I said. He laughed. I don't remember saying anything funny

"Oh Addison, it is a good morning"

"You're really acting weird"

"I may be" He said "You're glowing today"

"Oh come on, Derek, what's going on"

"Nothing, Addison, it's just a good day"

"Whatever" I turned around and went to my patient's room.

"Hey Ad" I heard Derek say, I turned around and saw him grinning at me "You really look beautiful"

I blushed and glared at him. As I turned back, I smiled. There's something going on with him. He's happy, and it's somehow scaring me.

* * *

I was having lunch with Miranda, talking about the happenings lately. She was telling a story about her patient who ate paper for the past week. Derek came up to us and joined us.

"Why are you smiling?" Miranda asked

"What, I'm not allowed to smile?" Derek said

"It's just weird. What's going on, Derek, tell me!" I demanded

"You wouldn't understand. It's just a good day"

"Whatever" Miranda and I said at the same time and we went on with what we are talking about. I looked up and saw Meredith walking in to the cafeteria

"How come you're not having lunch with your girlfriend" Derek looked back and saw Meredith and looked at us again

"We broke up"

"Please tell me you didn't break up because of me" I said

"You're so full of yourself. Everything's not about you" Derek said jokingly "I'm kidding. No, it wasn't working"

"You just broke up, why are you so happy?" Miranda asked

"I don't know. It's just a good day"

Somehow, I sensed the feeling that Derek and Meredith broke up because of me. It made me happy a little. Maybe this is a chance for me and Derek again. But will he follow through? Or will he give me his 'just friends nothing more nothing less' speech?

I smiled at him as he continued eating his food. He smiled back.

I'm still in love with Daniel, but I know he'd want me to move on. I know in the end, he'd still want me to be with Derek. He knows I still love Derek. I may have said before that I don't want to do anything romantically with Derek anymore. But things change. I've come to a conclusion that I still love him and I still want him, maybe not now, but somewhere along the way.

* * *

I sat on my couch watching some medical drama with Dakota on my lap when the doorbell rang. I stood up and walked towards the door. I didn't even bother looked in the peephole. I opened the door and saw Derek standing with a doggie bag in hand, still grinning like an idiot.

"Okay, really, that smile is freaking me out"

"Does it?" He asked

"Yes" I placed a hand on my hip and cocked an eyebrow "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought you want company" He shrugged "Can I come in?"

"Depends" I teased "What do you have?" I asked pointing at the doggie bag

He peeked inside with his mischievous smile "Half Bake and Phish Food and Chubby Hubby"

"Ben and Jerry's?"

"What else" He said with a huge smile

I opened the door wider and let him in. Dakota ran up to him and started running around his legs.

"So…." Derek said. I looked at him expectantly "Can we talk?"

"Sure"

We walked into the kitchen and I sat on top of the counter and crossed my legs. I took the Half Bake ice cream from Derek's and opened it and grinned. Derek laughed at me and leaned on the counter across me.

"So?" I asked "What do you want to talk about?"

"Meredith and I broke up"

"You told me" I said "That's what you want to talk about?"

"Partly, yes" I handed him the ice cream and he took a scoop. He handed it back to me and smiled.

"What about it?"

"I broke up with her because I feel like it's unfair"

"Why do you think it's unfair?" I stared at him, his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"Because I'm not really into her"

"Is this about—"I was about to say, but he interrupted me

"If you don't want to be with me, I'll wait. I just can't date because it's unfair that I'll always think of you"

Way to make my heart skip a beat, Derek.

I just stared at him. He was sincere, I can tell.

"But Derek—"

"I know you might say you're not ready yet, but I'll have forever to wait, Addie. I can wait until forever"

"Forever?"

"Forever"

There was silence—a comfortable one. I cracked a smile. I got off the counter and walked towards him.

"You're willing to wait forever?"

"Forever and a day, even" He smiled at me. Who doesn't melt with that smile?

I leaned in for a kiss.

"That's good to know because I like keeping you around" I said after I pulled away. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. He held me closer to him. It feels like home.

"I just want you to know that I'll be here waiting" He said "Take your time. I won't go anywhere" He said and placed a kiss on my head "I love you Addie"

"Thank you, for being here"

"I'd rather be here with you than anywhere else"

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you know, I enjoy reviews as much as ice cream. 


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: **Yay new chapter! Sorry about the lame last chapter that took my months to write. lol. Anywho, I wrote some of this while i was sick, so some might not make sense, because it was the nyquil writing. I seriously lost track about the timeline. I'll figure it out soon. lol. So I hope you like this long chapter!

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Chapter 18

I sat on the couch, my feet resting on his lap. We just sat in silence for awhile now. Dakota was peacefully sleeping on my stomach. It was comfortable.

"What are you thinking?" He asked suddenly. I looked at him and shrugged

"Everything"

"Like?"

"Like where I'm going to end up" I said trying to be nonchalant

"That sounds serious" He joked

"You know before, I always think about the future and I see myself somewhere happy. When we were married, I saw us being happy, but that disappeared when all the indifference happened. And then I stopped looking into the future" I looked at him for reactions, but he didn't have any that I can tell right away "And then I met Daniel" I said with a smile "I started looking into the future again. I was happy. I felt loved. I felt safe. I felt like I'm going to get through. Now he's gone and I'm looking into the future again. There's something, but it's very vague"

He didn't say anything. I sighed loudly and rand my fingers through Dakota's hair.

"Maybe it's because I don't want to get my hopes too high," I said "The similarity of it all, you know. I was happy, then I get my expectations all high and perfect, then just like that, it's gone. Maybe this time, subconsciously, I'm stopping myself from hurting myself" I looked at him again, and still got nothing "Am I making sense?"

"You're making sense" He said in monotone, his eyes fixated on my feet, as he pinches my toes one by one.

"Why can't I live a perfect life? Like what we see in movies. Or what I see when I look into the future. I want to live the 'happily ever after' crap Disney shoved up our faces."

"You're blaming Disney?" He asked amusedly, finally looking at me

"Somehow, yes"

"_Dwarves, like seriously" Daniel said quietly since Emily was sleeping on his lap. I was curled up next to him, laughing. _

"_It's a fairy tale, Dan. There's a Mermaid, come on"_

"_I like the mermaid" Dan said_

"_Because she's half naked?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "And besides, she has a name—Ariel"_

"_I like _Ariel_ because she reminds me of you" Dan said_

"_The last time I checked I don't have fins, Dan"_

"_When you were a kid, did you believe in fairy tales?" He asked. I stared at him. Childhood memories flash before me._

"_Yeah, most kids—well girls—did" I said, but suddenly frowned_

"_What's with that frown?" He said placing his finger on my chin_

"_It's just I used to believe" I said "I expected so much more than what I got"_

"_You know what," He said and looked straight to my eye "I'll try to meet your expectations"_

_I love this man so much. Really._

"I miss him, Derek" I said. He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile

"You have every right to" He said. I remained silent. "If you were with Dan right now, what would you be doing?"

"We'd just be watching a movie" I shrugged "Or do something random" I smiled "We'd probably be watching Breakfast at Tiffany's or something cheesy like that" He gave me a face "He's not cheesy like that, he just knows that I like that movie so much and he just paves in the way so we wouldn't argue"

"Jeez, Ad, don't get too defensive" He said with a chuckle

"All I'm saying is he just wants to make me happy" I said. I looked at him, but his gaze was once again fixated on my feet "Not that I'm implying anything other than that"

Derek smirked at me "You are so defensive" he joked

"Oh shut up" I said and kicked him. I sighed "I just really miss him, Derek. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I just want him to be here with me. I want to be able to touch him and feel him physically. Just thinking about him isn't enough, Derek" I stared at Dakota, tears welling.

"I wish I knew what to say, Addie" He said and squeezed my foot. I looked up to him and our eyes met. He smiled at me.

I just wish he can be half the man Daniel. I know I haven't been with Daniel as much as I have been with Derek. But that very little time I was with Daniel, Derek will never be half the man that he is.

* * *

I knocked softly on their door. Maureen opened the door and engulfed me into a warm hug. It amazes me so much that Dan's family still invites me to their family dinners or parties or whatever. Maybe it's just because I'm carrying his child. Oh I hope not.

"How are you, sweetie?" She asked and gave my tiny belly a pat "How's everything?"

"I'm doing well, I guess" I said "But the baby's well, really well"

"That's great" Maureen said "I'm glad you could make it"

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world"

"Auntie Addie!!!" I heard Emily scream. I turned around and saw her descending down the stairs wearing a tutu and a tiara "You're here!" She said. I bent down and gave my little buddy a hug.

"Hey Sugar Plum" I smiled at her "How are you?"

"Fine!" She said and hugged me tighter "I missed you so much"

"Aw, hun, I miss you too"

There was no occasion; really, they just invited me for some good family get together. I'm thankful for them because I didn't have this growing up. They are such a close knit family and I love that I became a part of it.

Dinner was amazing, as usual. We chatted away, with every possible thing we could talk about. After dinner, Catherine and I stood outside on their porch, taking advantage of the rare appearance of stars in Seattle. Yes, it was cloudless.

"How are you, Addie? Really. I don't like the 'I'm fine' crap." She said. I chuckled at her.

"I'm holding up. I just miss him so much, you know"

"Me too" She leaned back "I keep on having dreams about him. Some are memories. I like dreaming about happy memories"

"Me too" I said "His birthday is next month"

"Yeah" She said "I was just about to say that"

"_Happy birthday" I whispered in his ear while poking him. "Hey, it's your birthday, wake up" He stirred and rolled over to his side away from me._

"_Shut it. It's not my birthday. It's just a stupid day" He grumbled_

"_Oh honey, come on. I cooked breakfast"_

"_Addison, you don't cook. Pouring milk and cereal into the bowl is not cooking" He said burying his face on his pillow "I don't like birthdays"_

"_Why are you acting like a girl?" I asked tickling him on the side_

"_I'm not" He said "It's not my birthday"_

"_Fine, fine, it's just your 36th birthday's first anniversary" I said, still poking him_

"_Okay, enough with the poking because it's starting to hurt now" He said rolling over again facing me "And I'm just old now"_

"_You are not" Addison said "And come to think of it. I am a few months older than you. I should be the one complaining"_

_He didn't say anything, but he continued to pout._

"_Okay, babe, really, if you continue to pout you won't get presents" I said. _

"_Fine" He sighed. "So what about that breakfast"_

"_Chocolate chip pancakes"_

"_You made it?" He asked_

"_Yes"_

"_Are you lying?" He eyed me. I smirked_

"_Yes" he knows me too well "So what? I got it from that little café. It's still good"_

"_I know" He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to him "Am I going to like my present?"_

_I laughed "Oh yeah. Oh and its present_s_ not present"_

"_Awesome" He said "Do I have to wait long before I get them?"_

"_Do you want to wait long?"_

"_No" _

"_Then maybe you'll get one of them today"_

_I leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss. He rolled over and top of me, but I felt like taking control, so I rolled over again so I can be on top of him._

_--_

"_I can't believe I spent most of my birthday in bed" Daniel said as we snuggled under the sheets_

"_Are you complaining?"_

"_No" He said "It just feels good. It's very relaxing. In weather like this, I'd just want to lie in bed with this amazing woman that I really love"_

"_Aw" _

"_I love you so much, Ad" He said and reached for my face "I love you"_

"_I love you too" I smiled. He sounded so sincere. He said it, and I felt it. He wasn't lying or he wasn't just saying it. I know—I believe—I feel that he loves me._

"I wish he were here" I said quietly, Catherine nodded along.

"So, do you know what you're having?" She asked changing the subject, her eyes staring at my slightly protruded stomach

"Oh no, I don't because I don't do this OBGYN thing for a living" I said sarcastically, she chuckled at me "Of course I know"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Do you want to know?"

"Maybe" She said, her eyes twinkling "Okay, fine, I want to"

"Guess"

"Uh, boy" She said. I stared at her with a straight face

"Well" I said and followed it with a long dramatic pause.

"Oh Addison just tell me!" She snapped suddenly

"It's a girl" I smiled "Unless there's something hiding in there"

She was smiling from ear to ear "Do you have a name?"

"Morticia Thumbelina" I said, again with a straight face

She cringed "Please tell me you're kidding"

"Of course, jeez, Cath, I wouldn't do that to my own child"

"Mommy! Auntie Addie!" Emily said excitedly as she burst into the porch outside interrupting us.

"Yes hun?" Catherine asked and picked her up and placed her on her lap

Emily looked at me with her big green eyes "Are you and Uncle Danny going to stay here for the night?"

I looked at her confusedly "What?"

"Baby, what are you talking about?" Catherine asked

"I want Uncle Danny and Auntie Addie to sleep here tonight!" She smiled

"Baby, remember Uncle Danny is in heaven now" Catherine said gently

"No he's not" She said shaking her head, her curls bouncing. My heart wrenched. "He was just here. I gave him a cookie but he didn't take it. Maybe because he's full" She shrugged

"Where did you see him?" I asked, moving closer to her

"At the dinner table, he was sitting next to you. And the other day he was in my room. He's here sometimes. So I don't feel that scared at night anymore. Why?" She asked innocently. I smiled at her sadly. I looked at Catherine, who was just staring at her daughter. Emily looked from me to Catherine. "Why?" She asked again.

"Nothing, honey" Catherine said "Why don't you go play inside?"

"But why?" She asked again

"Just go, Em. I need to talk to Aunt Addie"

"You're going to tell her to stay here?"

"Yes" Cathy said "Now go" Emily jumped off her and ran back inside

Cathy looked at me apologetically.

"Hey, it's all right, kids have imaginary friends" I said smiling at her, but in the inside it makes me miss him so much more. I was getting a little teary eyed.

"She just misses him"

"Yeah" I sighed "Me too"

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night. I stared at the ceiling, while Dakota slept peacefully next to me. My little girl just started kicking lately, but right now, she's wide awake. My mind drifted back to Danny. I suddenly remembered the night before he passed. It was somehow ironic. We were so happy. I was so happy.

"_I got you chicken noodle soup" He said when he walked in. He handed it to me and gave me a kiss on the lips. He propped down next to me._

"_So sweet, thanks" I rested my head on his chest._

"_Are you feeling better?" He asked. His fingers were running through my hair_

"_Yeah, kinda"_

_I sat up and started eating my chicken noodle soup. I looked at him since he was staring at me with a goofy grin. _

"_What are you staring at?" I asked smiling_

"_You're beautiful" He said. I blushed profusely. He says that to me every time, but it always makes me blush. _

"_Thank you" I said and tucked my hair behind my ear_

_I love the feeling that someone pays attention to me. It makes me feel loved and important. I finally feel like I exist. He makes me feel like I am everything to him. And as selfish as it sounds, it feels good._

"_Even when you're head is buried in the toilet, you're still beautiful. Like this morning" He said and winked at me_

"_Ew"_

"_You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen" He paused "Well, next to my mother" He joked and winked again. I laughed at him _

"_Mama's boy" I rolled my eyes_

"_I was kidding"_

"_Sure, you are"_

"_You know" He said, now with a more serious tone "If we ever have kids, in the future maybe, I'd want them to look like you because you are so damn gorgeous"_

"_I want them to have your eyes and your smile"_

"_Now they'd break a lot of hearts" He chuckled "Wow, we're talking about kids, that's crazy"_

"_Jeez, calm down, it's not like we're having one right now" I laughed_

_And at the same moment I said that, it dawned me: I was three weeks late, I've been achy, nauseous and…oh my god._

_After a few moments, my pager starting beeped. I looked at it and it was the hospital. I called in to check if I were needed, but apparently I have to go in and do something urgent I've forgotten to do that wouldn't take long._

"_I have to go, but I'll be quick" I said to Daniel "But don't wait up if ever it takes me longer than I thought" I gave him a kiss on the lips_

"_Alright, but take care, okay?" He smiled "I love you"_

"_I love you too"_

_I went to the hospital and did what I was supposed to do. On my way back, I passed by the drug store. I stopped by it and got a pregnancy test. I hid it in my purse and drove back home. I walked into the house and saw Daniel half asleep on the couch with Dakota watching some late night talk sow._

"_What are you doing up, Mister?" I asked "Its way past your bedtime"_

"_I can't sleep without that redhead who usually sleeps next to me"  
_

_I walked up to him and offered a hand for me to pull him up so we can go to the bedroom and sleep. He stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a passionate kiss. He engulfed me into a warm hug and held me tighter. _

"_Let's go to sleep" He whispered in my ear, chills ran up to my spine, as he pulled away._

_I smiled at him; a sudden wave of nausea came through me. I closed my eyes and clutched his shirt for support._

"_Are you okay?" He asked his eyes full of concern. He held me closer, protectively_

"_Just a little dizzy" I said weakly_

"_Let's go" he led me into the bedroom. He lay to bed next to me and made me feel better. He wrapped and arm around me and held me closer. I wrapped an arm across his waist._

If I only knew it was the last time I'd hold him again, I'd never let go. I'd give up everything to hold him again.

* * *

another AN: true story behind the Emily seeing Daniel thing: My best friend's grandfather died when her little cousin was still a baby. Anyway, one day, I was at my best friend's aunt's house, and her cousin who, at that time was three already, was there. We were looking at pictures with her cousin. And my friend was like "That's grandpa, he died when you were a baby".. and then the kid was like "No he didnt, i always see him sitting by the piano." creepy? yes. I ran out of their house.

Anyway, please review!


	19. Chapter 19

**hello kiddos. New chapter. if anyone s still interested. I know i havent updated in awhile. School has been crazy. **

**Please Please review! **

* * *

Chapter 19

"_Dan? Danny?" I asked when I saw him sitting on my couch. "Danny" I called out again. He didn't move. He didn't look at me "Honey" I got nothing. I walked towards the couch and like a flash of lightning, he was gone. "Dan?"_

_There was a loud ring and I jolted._

I was awoken by the shrill sound of my alarm clock. I sighed. It was another dream about Daniel. I've been having a lot lately. Now it's time for me to get ready for work. It's not like I have anything against work. But when I have dreams about Daniel, I just feel like curling up in my bed and sleep.

My head is reeling. Daniel, it's all about him. I just want to go back to those days where he's right there. True, I may have depended on him. But what do I have to do? Go to work, that's what I have to do.

* * *

Addison stood next to Derek in the nurses' station and let out a heavy sigh. Derek looked up at her looking concerned.

"Are you alright?" He asked placing a hand on her arm

"Yeah" She said with a weak smile "Just tired"

"You should get some rest"

"Can't" She shrugged "Duty calls" She said and held up the chart she was going through "And besides, I'm not that tired"

"Couldn't sleep last night?"

"I swear, this kid knows like martial art or soccer or something" She chuckled

Derek laughed softly "Talented child, I see"

"Want to feel?" She asked, her eyes twinkling

"She's kicking right now?" Derek laughed, his eyes lighting up

Addison took his hand and placed it on the spot where her daughter was kicking. A wide grin appeared on Derek's face "Pretty strong" Derek said "I wonder where she got that?" He asked teasingly

"Well, she has strong genes" She shrugged and smiled smugly

"Yeah, her mom kicks pretty hard, based on experience" Derek said smiling. Addison let out a laugh and playfully slapped Derek

"And her dad played soccer in high school" She said laughing. Derek watched her, smiling warmly, noticing how happy she is, but it feels like something else is missing. Dan, that's who's missing.

"Good genes, it is" Derek said "Not just good, beautiful too"

Addison smiled and pointed her finger at him "You're just trying to get into my pants" She laughed shortly but then stopped and her smile turned into a frown

Derek frowned, seeing Addison's smile turned upside down "It's alright to miss him, you know"

"Yeah" She forced a smile, looking at him straight in the eye "Yeah, I know" She glanced back at the chart and sighed. She looked back up at him "I just can't believe he's not here to see his child, you know"

"He'll see her, Addie." He said "He sees you right now. He's watching over you"

"Yeah" She sighed ad noticed Derek's hand was still on her bump.

"Strong kicks, really" He said smiling breaking the awkward silence that was building up, as the baby started kicking again

"I know" She said, their eyes not tearing apart from each other's. It felt like everything around them faded. Derek broke the contact and cleared his throat, pulling his hand away from Addison's stomach. Addison looked down at her fingers and then away.

"I…uh" Derek stuttered "I got a consult to get to"

"Uhm yeah" Addison said unsurely "Yeah, me too" She smiled and they walked to opposite directions.

Addison felt something. Sure, he misses Daniel, but she can't pine for a dead guy forever. Daniel would want her to move on and raise their child with someone who will love the baby as if the baby was his.

She always knew Derek wanted a child with her, but as fate would have it, they can't conceive their own. She knew Derek would be a great father because she always sees him with his nieces and nephews. He always wanted kids, but she wasn't ready, and when she was they find out, they couldn't.

Now she's having a child with a man she truly loves, a man who loves her as much, but also a man who wasn't meant for her. Love is not enough. If love were enough, he'd be here with her. Now, Derek loves her, Derek cares, Derek pays attention. Her life is ironic. When she wanted Derek, Derek was emotionally absent but physically there. Now she wants Daniel, who will be forever with her emotionally, but also forever be gone physically.

Now Derek wants her when she doesn't.

Or does she?

Giving Derek a chance to love her again and make the same mistakes he's done, is an option Addison is considering, after all—she loved the man for a third of her life, and maybe Derek deserves it. She thinks of waiting it out and sees how long Derek would hold out—or maybe not. Maybe she wants to be with Derek. How does she make a decision? Maybe she'll as a magic eight ball or flip a coin. Maybe she should ask for a sign. Leave her fate up to the coin and the toy maybe that will work.

Addison sat quietly in her office contemplating. She looked around and oddly saw a coin shining through the light.

She picked it up and flipped it.

Tails

"Best of three" She sighed and flipped it again

Tails

"Damn it" she muttered "Best of seven"

Tails

"Oh, you're really defying me" She said in an aggravated tone

Heads

"Good. Four more heads" She flipped it again

Heads

"Now you like me" She flipped it again

Heads

After three heads and three tails, she realized: _Why bother to flip the coin again, when I obviously know what I want and keep on flipping the coin to what I want? _She flipped the coin again and closed her eyes. She opened it and sighed. Fate was on her side. The coin agrees with her.

That night, Addison was on her way out of the hospital and saw Derek sitting on the lobby waiting for her.

"Hey" he said

She smiled at him her mind is debating with itself.

"Hey" She smiled "You're waiting for me?"

"Yeah, the one and only you"

Addison blushed "Oh" She said

"Do you want to get something to eat?"

"Sure" She shrugged "What do you want?"

"How does Chinese sound?"

"Tempting"

"Chinese, it is then"

* * *

Derek and Addison said on her couch in her apartment, with Dakota sitting between them playing with her chew toy. Addison has been distracted the whole time she was spending time with Derek, thinking of whether she'll tell him what she wants or not.

"Oh just spill it, Addison" Derek said out of nowhere. She looked at him confusedly, and surprised and raised her eyebrow.

"Spill what?"

"That's something bothering you, so spill it. It looks like it's eating you alive" He chuckled and brought his gaze back to the television.

Addison sighed. _It's now or never_, she thought. Addison reached for the remote and turned the television off. Derek looked at her, waiting for her to spill her heart out.

She cleared her throat "I think we want us to be together" She blurted out so quickly, Derek almost missed it.

He stared at her, his face emotionless, Addison couldn't read it.

"You _think_ you want to be with me?" He repeated, more like a question, emphasizing _think_.

Addison took another deep breath and shook her head "No, I don't think. I _know_"

"Are you sure?"

"Well, yeah, I guess"

"Adding an 'I guess' part to your answer doesn't make you sure, Addie"

"Fine" She sighed "Yeah, I'm sure" She picked up her dog and held her close "I want to be with you. But you know I still miss him. But he's not here anymore"

"I totally understand that you might still love him"

"I still love you too" She sighed "I've been with you for more that a decade"

Derek placed his box of fried rice and moved closer to Addison, placing an arm around her shoulders. Addison appreciated his gesture and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I miss him so much" She said "But he's never coming back, Derek. And I want a person who will love me as much as he did"

"I love you, you know"

"Yeah, that's why I want to be with you" She smiled as her hands ran through Dakota's hair

"I may not be as perfect as him, Addie, but I'll try"

"He wasn't perfect, Derek" She laughed

"Well according to you stories, he seems perfect"

"He's not. Nobody is. But he's nice. He's good. He loves me. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me—or at least he was. He loved me"

Derek chuckled and his hand started to massage her scalp lightly.

"You know who else I think is perfect for me?" She asked her voice low and kind of seductive as she drew circles on his chest.

"Well, I think I know who" He said and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Addison looked up to him and kissed him on the lips. She pulled away and placed Dakota on the floor—who ran away as her feet settled on the floor.

She looked back up at him and smiled complacently.

"You're beautiful, you know" He said, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"I miss you" Addison whispered and leaned and gave her a short kiss

"I've always been here" He said, his hand moving down to her back, rubbing it to make her relax

"No, I miss _you_" She smirked

"I miss _you_ too"

Derek leaned to her and kissed her passionately. It was so passionate, it caught Addison off guard a little. She was breathless. She never realized how much she missed Derek before.

She kissed him again, this time biting his lip. He gasped and winced, but still turned on. He loves it when she does that. It always hits the spot.

"Did that hurt?" She asked seductively

"I don't know. Do it again" He smirked

Addison obliged, biting Derek's lip. He gasped.

"Oh yeah, yeah, that hurt"

Addison shifted her position and straddled Derek's lap. His hands steadied her hips, and their lips connected and their tongues dueled. Addison started kissing his cheek then down to the back of his ear and then his neck. He chuckled.

"What?" She asked curiously, stopping what she was doing.

"Aggressive much?"

"No, second trimester much" She said started unbuttoning his shirt and resumed with the kissing.

* * *

They cuddled on the couch, with a cashmere throw over their naked bodies, as they absentmindedly watched television. It was dark in the room. Only the glare of the TV and the moonlight illuminated the room. Addison's eyes were slowly giving up to the fight of staying awake, while Derek was still in bliss, even after minutes. He hasn't made love with Addison for what seemed like forever. He forgot how good she was, but this time with extra hormones. All he wants to do is hold her forever.

Derek felt her baby kick again, a wide smile spread on his face.

"She really kicks this much?" He asked, Addison gave out a laugh

"Yeah, well, more of moving" She said sleepily

"I can't wait to meet her"

"Yeah me too"

"You think she'll like me?" Derek asked

"Well she better, because you'll be her new daddy"

"Hey Addie," Derek said. Addison sleepily looked up at him

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for everything, you know, before"

Addison smiled "Stop saying you're sorry. I know you are" She cuddled closer "Were moving past that" She whispered

Derek kissed her on her temple "Yeah, we're moving past that"

Derek watched her as her eyes started to close and her breathing steadied rhythmically.

"Good night, Addie. I love you" He whispered and kissed her lightly.

"I love you too" She muttered, still in her sleep. Derek chuckled wondering what she was dreaming.

They are moving on from the past and looking forward to the many years and challenges in their future. Come what may—good or bad—they can do it because they know they'll be in this together.

* * *

**Yes, this is the last chapter, but there will be an epilogue pretty soon (i hope. lol) Please please review.**


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